Page 68 of Before You Say Goodbye

She skulked from the bedroom to agonise over his decision in the shower. She was angry that he could speak to her so harshly, after all they’d been through together. She had a headache and was tired. She wanted to curl up in bed beside the sweet, loving version of her boyfriend, but his pain monster had hold of him and, even though she knew that it was not his fault, she felt furious with him for ruining their carefully laid out plans. It all made her feel rotten.

She tried to avoid everyone, calling a hasty hello into the kitchen as she shut the bathroom door behind her, only to run into Marley in the hallway on her way back to their bedroom.

“Not long now.” He grinned.

“Yeah.” She nodded, forcing herself to smile.

“Thanks so much for doing this with me, Autumn.” He stooped to hug her.

“You’re welcome,” she murmured. He held her tightly for a few seconds before letting go, turning dramatically and flouncing like a prima donna in the direction of the kitchen. She knew that he was trying to make her laugh, so she forced out ahalf-hearted giggle. When she was sure he was gone, she leaned back against the hallway wall and sank to the floor.

“Fuck,” she whispered into thin air. She’d concluded her shower adamant she would find a way to convince Bowie he shouldn’t risk shortening his life for the sake of a ball, but she had just seen the very reason he wanted to do it with her own eyes. Marley was beside himself with excitement. Today, there was no sign of the permanently fixed frown he generally wore. Bowie wanted to see his brother back at his best, one more time. Nothing she could say would stop him from putting his life at risk to do it except potentially Bluebell declaring she was no longer comfortable, but that wasn’t going to happen, either. Autumn knew Bluebell felt like she owed Marley a big break. Autumn would never be able to convince her otherwise.

“What happened?” Maddie asked her. The sound of her voice, full of concern, startled Autumn to her feet. Maddie was standing at the bottom of the stairs just a few feet away and had, no doubt, an unhindered view of Autumn for at least the last few seconds. Perhaps she’d even been there the whole time.

“Nothing,” Autumn answered a little too quickly. “Everything’s fine.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before Maddie had hold of Autumn’s hand and was dragging her back into the bathroom.

“Autumn, tell me,” she said, slamming the door behind them and locking it. Autumn searched her mind for an alternative story to tell her but couldn’t focus on anything except how desperately Maddie’s eyes were boring holes into her own. She was tired and afraid and no longer knew what was the right thing to do. She could feel her panic rising.

“Autumn, you’re not alone in this. Tell me what’s happened and we can figure it out together.”

“I think Bowie had another heart attack last night.” She instantly felt relieved that she wasn’t the only one who knew.

“Why didn’t you come and get me?” Maddie asked, her breath catching as she spoke, her eyes filling with tears.

“He asked me not to.” Maddie looked hurt. Autumn rushed on. “Only because he was worried one of you would try to stop him from going to the ball tonight.”

Maddie’s face softened and Autumn felt the tiniest bit proud of herself. She was usually a terrible liar but it seemed she could muster up untruths when it really mattered.

“There’s no way he can go, Autumn.” Maddie shook her head.

“Try telling him that.” Autumn sighed.

“Because of Marley?” Maddie asked. Autumn nodded. They sat down together on the bathroom floor, hugging their knees to their chests. Autumn could hear Marley singing somewhere. She knew Bowie would be listening too. There was no way he’d change his mind. “It might be what kills him,” Maddie added.

“Bowie would gladly die if it helped make Marley happy,” Autumn said.

“Well, Marley is going to be devastated.” Maddie ran her hands over her face.

Maddie was absolutely right. Marley would give anything for even one single minute with the brother he loved. “What do we do?” Autumn asked their sister. She felt utterly lost. Whatever they did, someone was going to get hurt.

“There’s only one thing we can do,” Maddie said, her voice thick with trepidation. “We can’t mess around with Bowie’s life, Autumn, but he isn’t going to listen to us. We have to tell Marley.”

* * *

They pulled him outside on the pretext of sharing a cigarette. Autumn started by telling him about Bowie’s latest heart attack and they had to physically restrain him to stop him from running to his twin. They told him that Bowie knew about the medley. That he himself had engineered the whole performance to give Marley another chance. Then they asked him to talk some sense into Bowie. He didn’t react the way they thought he would.

“We have to go,” he said. Autumn and Maddie narrowed their eyes at him, and then at one another.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Autumn asked.

“Did you hear what she said?” Maddie hissed. “Bowie had a heart attack.”

“Yeah, I heard you.” Marley winced.

He told them that he was touched that his brother had gone to so much trouble to come up with a last-ditch attempt at giving him some happiness. He said he knew Bowie was still clinging on to some semblance of hope that Marley might change his mind about taking his own life after Bowie had gone. He revealed that they’d taken to talking about it between the two of them, something they’d never felt able to do before. Bowie had pleaded with Marley not to commit suicide, even resorting to begging his brother, on his knees, to reconsider. Bowie was haunted by gory imaginings: Marley jumping from a building, Marley cutting his wrists and bleeding out, Marley hanging from a deserted staircase.

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