Page 20 of Before You Say Goodbye

“Seriously though,” Bluebell continued, deadpan. “I am worried, Autumn. I know what you can be like with men.”

Autumn stiffened and felt Bowie tense beside her.

“No judgement, I’m exactly the same. You’re my best friend, but that’s my brother, Autumn.” Bluebell shrugged. “That’s all I’m saying.”

“Whatareyou like with men?” Bowie enquired. Autumn could tell from his tone that he was teasing her. She smiled sarcastically at Bluebell, then turned to Bowie. She impulsively reached for his hand again, and was relieved when he took hers gently in his. Their eyes met and they each blushed.

Bluebell sighed and stood up, turning to pick up her jacket.

“Well, this is a car crash waiting to happen. But you’re adults, so what the hell has it got to do with me? Bowie, I’m going to leave you here. Please do not disappear again. I’ll tell Mum you’re feeling much better and staying out with Marley. I’ll also tell Marley to lie to her if she asks.”

She paused, momentarily lost in thought. “He’s a lying little shitbag as well, isn’t he? Marley? He told me you shared a cab home the other night, Autumn, when he quite clearly had no idea where either of you were at the time.”

“It’s a twin thing,” Bowie said.

Bluebell leaned down to hug him. She held him close, murmuring lovingly into his ear. “Can you take it easy? Actually get some sleep tonight? And tone down the marathon shagging sessions, will you? I don’t know who you think you are.”

Bowie laughed, pushing her away. “You’re gross. Get out.”

Bluebell skipped across the floor to the door, turning back to look at them when she reached it. Her eyes flicked from one to the other. She eyed their clasped hands with fondness. Autumn felt shy in front of her friend for the first time since the day they’d met. This was a new kind of vulnerability. She wasn’t used to anyone seeing her act this intimately with someone, never mind a friend, and most certainly not Bluebell, who thought monogamy was against human nature and that itwas stupid. It was just one of the many things they had agreed on until now. Bluebell would never say anything, but she would almost certainly be perturbed that Autumn was feeling a little differently since meeting her brother.

“I’m serious, guys. Please be careful. I mean, I personally don’t think there’s a much better way to go than in the middle of an orgasm, but I think Mum and Dad would quite like the six months or so they were promised.”

Autumn reeled.Six months?That was no time at all. She tried to cover up her shock, but her reaction had been noticed by Bowie and Bluebell. They stopped conversing and looked at her. She tried to straighten her face, but she couldn’t.Six months? But he was so sweet and lovely and . . .

“I’m going to let you two talk,” Bluebell said. She looked a little teary. Bowie nodded, smiling lovingly at his sister. Bluebell blew him a kiss and then left.

* * *

Bowie threw up the second Bluebell had gone, into the coffee cup she’d left on the mantelpiece.

“I am so sorry,” he said. “That happens quite a lot.”

Autumn took it from him to wash. When she came back, he was sitting down again. She sat beside him, her hands clasped pointedly before her. She was afraid to touch him.

“Why do you vomit?” she asked.

“It’s just stress. At least, I think it is. There could be a mass in my stomach. I’ve no idea where it’s spread to. I’m just sort of . . . rolling with it.”

She nodded, fixating on the stain he’d left on her sofa when he’d spilled his tea in an expression of excitement the night before last before. She had been tossing up the pros and cons of seducing him then, and things had seemed so complicated. She’d had no idea just how complex they really were. She didn’tknow what to say now. She was stunned by his revelation, and couldn’t hide it. She was sad that he was suffering, and overwhelmed by this sudden impediment.

He spoke quietly to her.

“Whatever you’re thinking is OK.”

She didn’t answer.

“Meeting you wasn’t part of my plan,” he added.

Before she could stop herself, Autumn started to cry. She couldn’t help it. She felt so despondent. She’d seen a change in herself she had liked and felt as though the option to explore it had been ripped away from her. In the very best-case scenario, this would be difficult. She wasn’t experienced at this relationship stuff even when it was easy. She figured she’d be useless at it if it was as tricky as Bowie and Bluebell were implying. On top of that, she felt so unbelievably sad for Bowie and for his family. Embarrassed, she covered her eyes with her hands.

“Oh, Autumn.” Bowie sighed. “Please don’t cry.”

He shuffled towards her and she let herself fall against his chest. She liked it there; it made her feel safe. He held her tightly, whispering nonsense into her ear until she began to calm down.

“Maybe I need to just make this decision for you?” he said. Autumn wiped her eyes and pulled away.

“What decision?”

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