Page 93 of Before You Say Goodbye

The man thrust himself at it again. Nothing happened. Autumn shook her head, holding her hand out to prevent him from trying again. They were never going to get to him this way. They needed to persuade him to open the door.

“Marley, please, it’s me, let me in. It’s Autumn. Please don’t do this.”

She listened hard, but could hear nothing. She knew there was a real chance he might already be dead. An image of him, his body rocking rigidly from side to side the way Bowie’s had, came into her mind unbidden. She felt her legs buckle and her hands flew protectively to her stomach. A middle-aged man caught her before she fully passed out and fell. The crowd watching her gasped. As she came round, someone called out for her to be taken to the hospital.

“No, no, I’m OK,” she said, hoping to silence them. She was convinced she’d heard Marley’s voice, she was sure of it. He wasthere, just behind the door. Somehow, despite her shakiness, she found her feet and, at her insistence, two strangers supported her gingerly back up the staircase.

“Marley, I know you’re there. I heard you. I know you can hear me. Please open the door.”

She laid her hand flat against the steel, willing him, with all her heart, to speak to her again.

“I can’t,” he said. He sounded sad and frightened.

“Yes, you can, my love, you can.”

“It’s too late,” he said weakly. She panicked at this.

“Marley! Please.” She hit the door with the flat of her hand.

“No.”

His voice was so weak she could barely hear it as she knelt on the concrete floor and wailed.

“Open the fucking door!” He fell silent. Autumn was filled with a terrible desperation. Marley, her best friend, was dying. The door was all that separated them. She pounded on it with the palm of her hand, willing it to break open and, before she could stop herself, she heard herself screaming.

“I’m pregnant. I’m fucking pregnant and I need you.”

Her hand flew across her mouth. She listened, but could hear nothing. She laid her hand on the cold metal again and began to howl, hoping against all hope that he had not slipped into unconsciousness. She was feeling faint again.

“Please let me in,” she said through sobs. “I need you, Marley. Please, please don’t leave me. I can’t do this on my own.”

She heard his fingers graze the lock and shuffled back in shock and relief, swiping at the tears streaming down her face.

“Just you,” he whispered from behind the door. “Promise me. Only you, Autumn.”

“I promise,” she said urgently.

The man beside her moved to betray him, but Autumn shook her head, no. It was not worth the risk. Once she was inside,she’d be able to open the door for the paramedics when they arrived.

“I promise, Marley. Just me. Please. Open the door.”

Slowly, the door opened just a crack and she slipped rapidly inside. He was standing in the middle of the room, his face entirely expressionless. He had slashed his wrists and was holding them out to her as though they were a gift. He was fully clothed but soaking wet. She presumed he had been laying in the bath when he had hurt himself. He was covered in blood.

“Jesus Christ!” she murmured, walking warily towards him. She was still carrying her phone and the line was still connected to Emma.

“Emma, I’m with him now. The paramedics are coming. I’ll call you back.”

She disconnected the call, reaching out to grab him by his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said dumbly. “I woke up feeling so sad, Autumn.”

“It’s OK, Marley,” she said. “Come here.”

She sat him down on her dressing-table stool and held her fingers tightly around his wrists, whipping her top over her head and using it to hold his skin together as best she could. His blood oozed through her fingers and dripped persistently onto the floor. Outside, she heard sirens approaching.

“It hurts, Autumn. I don’t feel very well,” he said. “I think I might need to lie down.”

“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “No, Marley, you mustn’t. Just focus on staying awake, for me, OK?”

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