Page 34 of Before You Say Goodbye

“I meant . . .”

“I know what you meant.” He batted her comment away, checking to make sure they weren’t being listened to before hecontinued. “It’s fine, Autumn. Stop being so nice all the time. Settle in. This is your home now.”

She appreciated the sentiment because shewasfeeling really nervous and was touched he had noticed. She thanked him with a smile and he nodded reassuringly at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners under the weight of genuine warmth.

Her developing friendship with Marley had taken her by surprise. Bluebell had not been lying when she’d told her Bowie would need a lot of sleep and, so, in her final days in New York, Autumn had spent a lot of her time sitting and writing with Marley. He wrote songs while she wrote notes for her new project. He hadn’t been anything like she had expected. He had seemed cocky and arrogant that first night in the theatre — aloof and dismissive — but that wasn’t how Autumn saw him now. He was open, attentive and empathetic. He cared about things the way Bowie did but, unlike his brother, stopped just short of allowing his heart to rule his head. He was incredibly intelligent, quick-witted and opinionated. She felt comfortable around him, which was just as well, because he wanted to be with Bowieall the time. Autumn didn’t mind — the twins were the same, yet different. She enjoyed being with them, both individually and together. They brought out the best in each other and it was entertaining to be around them.

Marley broke their moment to take the duvet and pillows from one of the beds.

“Really, Marley,” she said. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said, heading for the door. He kicked Bowie playfully, joking as he passed. “I’ll think of some way for you two to repay me. It’ll probably be washing-up. Or laundry.”

Bowie. They had only been apart a matter of hours, but Autumn had missed him terribly.

“Where’s my girl?” he called to her.

She marched from the bedroom and cast herself into his arms.

* * *

“Imagine if I’d told you three weeks ago this is where you’d be right now,” Bowie murmured later that night. The house was colder in the evening. They’d made love and then he’d wrapped himself around her to keep her warm. She wanted another blanket, but Autumn couldn’t face the cold wooden floors beneath her feet. Concerned for his wellbeing, she had swaddled the spare one they had around Bowie, but she knew he would try to give it back to her if he felt her shiver. Emma and Ben did everything they could to keep the house warm, but Bowie’s father had warned her that the heat seeped through the old stone like water through a sieve.

“I wouldn’t have imagined I’d be back in England, let alone here, in this beautiful house, with my best friend and her big brother. It’s wild,” she said. She shuffled unconsciously closer still and he held her tighter to him.

“Cold?” he asked. She nodded. “I have a way to warm you up,” he said. He hooked his leg over hers and turned her to face him, kissing her neck suggestively.

“Bowie . . .” There was an edge of warning in her tone.

“Rule Number Two.”

“I think you need to take it a little easier than that.”

He rolled insistently on top of her in reply. She was powerless to resist this man. She let him kiss her, but her mind was elsewhere.

“I’m scared, Bowie,” she whispered. He’d been doubled up and crying out because of pain in his back for hours and had confessed he was having heart palpitations all evening. In the kitchen over coffee, while Emma and Ben combed the house for painkillers, Maddie had told Autumn that Bowie’s lymphomacaused him anaemia, which meant his body had to work harder than was typical to get oxygen, and that’s where she suspected his heart palpitations came from. The consequences of this anaemia were likely to get worse and lead to further complications. Still, ever grateful and optimistic, Bowie had told Autumn he could handle anything this disease threw at him as long as it didn’t attack his central nervous system.

He persisted now. “Rule Number Two.”

She sighed. “I’m not treating you as though you’re dying.”

“Yes, you are. If I weren’t dying, you’d let me do what we both want me to do.”

He kissed her deeply and she responded with great enthusiasm this time. Bowie moved his mouth to her breast and she found herself unable to focus on her argument.

“Those rules are stupid,” she said breathlessly. She felt his smile against her skin, wrapped his hair around her hands and marvelled at how obsessed she had become with him. He was much more than a lover. He was an addiction.

And that, though glorious, was the foundation of all of her fears.

* * *

They slept well afterwards, despite the cold, but Bowie was not done with having her to himself. He promised her he felt well enough to take her out for the day. Though Autumn was frightened he might be overdoing it, he whined until she gave in. When Emma and Ben tried to object, he beat them down with whinging, too. They were persuaded by the revelation that he was craving pizza. It was so rare for Bowie to fancy anything to eat because the side effects of his medication left him feeling nauseous all the time. Emma was on a one-woman mission to force-feed him at every available opportunity and shewas thrilled to hear that he might entertain the idea of eating willingly.

They decided to go to the cinema first. They were jet-lagged and tired, but the atmosphere between them was joyous and playful. At the sweet stand, they stuffed the largest paper bag they could find with more gelatine-free fizzy cola bottles, sherbet lemons, gummy lips and mini gems than was sensible, taking it in turns to hold the seams together, and guessing, with giddiness, how much their haul would cost while they waited in line. The man behind the counter found their folly amusing, telling them, with a grin, that they owed him sixty-two pounds for the sweets and the tickets. It felt so good to be one half of the cute couple people laughed at.

“How long is this going to take us to eat?” she asked, confident that she could polish it all off, with his help, within a couple of days.

“That depends,” he said. “Are we getting popcorn or no?”

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