Page 30 of Before You Say Goodbye

“He’s not going anywhere tonight, so you might as well stay here and party with us,” he said. Autumn turned to Emma.

“Are you sure that’s all right, Emma?” she asked. There had been rules in her family home about love interests spending the night. It had been forbidden. Autumn had tried to argue that their male cousins on her mother’s side were allowed girls in their bedrooms, and had pointed out that she had allowed those cousins and their girlfriends to stay in their home and in the same bed, but her mother had said it was different for girls. Autumn had accepted it at the time, sneaking boys inthrough her bedroom window, but, as an adult, she objected to such unequal treatment. Her mother was entitled to have rules under her own roof, but Autumn was against those rules being different for boys and girls. It was highly unlikely they’d ever have the argument, since Autumn didn’t plan on staying at her mother’s house ever again.

She had gathered, by now, that the Whittles were a little more open-minded when it came to sex. The topic had come up more than once tonight. They talked openly about it, accepting it as a normal part of adult life. Their conversations were free of smut and embarrassment, so Autumn knew that staying the night would be OK with Bowie’s parents, but she thought it was polite to check. Emma smiled warmly.

“Of course it is. Although I think you might be disappointed if you’re hoping for a night of passion.”

Emma ran her hand affectionately across Bowie’s face. He murmured and opened his eyes a little, but went straight back to sleep. Autumn blushed. Marley laughed.

“Cigarette?” he asked her. She nodded, clambering up from the floor. Autumn hardly ever bought cigarettes of her own accord to smoke alone, but she did smoke socially occasionally, purchasing a pack or two here and there to repay people when she felt she’d accepted a few too many. She hated the habit, but couldn’t help herself. She’d seen Marley duck out onto the balcony several hours earlier and had followed him shyly to ask if she could have one. He’d obliged, then invited her to join him every time he’d gone out since. Autumn was surprised Marley smoked given his brother had cancer, but wasn’t bold enough to ask him how he reconciled it in his mind. She knew she probably shouldn’t smoke either, but it hadn’t stopped her tonight.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that, Marley,” Emma said.

He put a cigarette between his lips and batted her comment away nonchalantly as he handed one to Autumn. He wasunsteady on his feet and Autumn was not surprised. He’d drunk almost an entire bottle of rum to himself. She was mildly impressed that he hadn’t thrown up yet. If she’d tried to put away even half of what he’d had, she’d already be in bed.

Emma persisted. “You’re killing yourself.” Marley bristled. His eyes darted to his sleeping brother. He shrugged again.

“And?”

“Don’t you dare start that again.” Maddie spoke up from her armchair in the corner.

“Start what? Telling the truth? I don’t care if I die—”

Emma opened her mouth as if to shout a retort, but Ben stepped between his son and the rest of the family, pushing him playfully towards the balcony.

“Get out. Get out, you drunk. Go and have your cigarette.”

Marley laughed, allowing his father to shove him through the doors. It was an expertly engineered tension breaker, but Autumn was dismayed to see real terror in Emma’s eyes when she turned to send her an apologetic smile. Emma forced the fear from her face, gesticulating her permission for Autumn to follow Marley outside.

It was so very cold. Autumn picked up a blanket from the wicker garden chair and wrapped it around her shoulders. Marley did likewise.

“They’re crazy, aren’t they?” he asked her. He’d used the same conversation starter every time they’d stepped outside. Apparently, he was not as talented a talker as his brother and father.

“Yeah. Crazy. But lovely.”

He nodded, puffing his cigarette to life.

“Yeah. They’re the best.”

They stood in silence for a minute. She felt comfortable in his company. She watched him, admiring the way he smoked. His movements were graceful and well-rehearsed.

“I know he’s my twin and I’m biased, but Bowie is the greatest.”

“I don’t think you are biased, actually,” she said. Marley smiled, blowing smoke dramatically towards the sky.

“He’s been waiting for someone like you for ages. Someone he can share the things he cares about with. Someone who can think deeply about things the way he can.”

“I know how he feels.” Autumn had always been aware that most people thought she was strange. She had always been told that she cared about things a little too much. Things that didn’t matter to most people. Being called weird had bothered her when she was young, but now she viewed it as a compliment. She wanted to care. She had a strong sense of justice, that was all, and no interest in being like everybody else, even though it made finding people who understood her extremely difficult. Marley smiled knowingly.

“Me too,” he said.

They smoked in silence for a while. The roar of the city below bounced off the canopy above their heads. The cool breeze made Autumn shiver. Marley took the blanket from his shoulders and offered it to her. She shook her head, but her teeth were still chattering.

“Take it,” he said, wrapping it around her shoulders so that she didn’t have to untangle her arms from the warmth of her own blanket.

“Marley, you’ve no proper clothes on,” she said. He was wearing just a pair of jeans and a plain grey T-shirt. He shrugged his shoulders as high as they would go and wrapped his arms around his chest to shield himself from the wind. He was clearly freezing, but it was pointless trying to get him to take the blanket back. Autumn knew that men like the Whittle men were never anything but chivalrous.

They smoked their cigarettes down to their stubs in silence. Despite the snap in the air, Marley seemed in no hurry to head back into the warm. She felt compelled to stay with him for a while longer, so when he offered her another cigarette, though she wasn’t really a chain-smoker, she accepted it with good grace.

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