Page 18 of Before You Say Goodbye

“I have to go, actually,” she said. He seemed disappointed.

“Oh. OK. We’ll pay, then, please.”

The waitress smiled sweetly and nodded. She had been batting her eyelashes at Anthony all evening. Autumn couldn’t say she blamed her. He really was exceptionally handsome. In spite of her own lack of interest, she felt lucky to have had his attention, and a little sad she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to receive it.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I have a really early meeting tomorrow, and—”

“It’s fine.” Anthony smiled. “You’re not into it. Don’t worry. It happens.”

His gentle words made Autumn feel guilty, but when Anthony hugged her goodbye a few moments later, he held on to her for longer than was necessary, and his hand was a little too close to her backside.

Perhaps he was not such a nice guy after all.

* * *

Autumn insisted she could flag her own taxi, waved goodbye to Anthony, then sheltered in the restaurant doorway to think seriously about what she should do next. She absently pulledout her mobile phone, contemplating calling Bluebell to come clean. She wanted to speak to Bowie and that was the only way she could get hold of him. She pressed the button that lit up the screen and recoiled in surprise. She had six missed calls from her friend. Autumn panicked. Bluebell never did this. She hated talking on the telephone and would absolutely choose to send a text message unless she had no choice. Something was wrong. With shaking hands, Autumn called her back, willing her to pick up. When she did, she didn’t even say hello.

“Where are you?”

Bluebell sounded frustrated.

“I’ve been out for dinner. Is everything OK?”

“I’m at your apartment with Bowie. Can you come straight here?”

Chapter 5

Autumn didn’t need to ask how they’d gotten in. Bluebell knew Walter had a spare key because Autumn was always locking herself out. Her neighbour loved Bluebell because she flirted with him and told him he was handsome, and he’d have given her the key the second she asked for it.

They were sitting on her sofa. Bowie was holding his head in his hands and Bluebell was sitting beside him, holding a bowl of cooked plain pasta. It looked like she was trying to feed it to him. They stared up at her when she opened the door, their fretful features as foreboding as she felt. They were about to drop a bomb on her life — she could see it in their body language. She fought the urge to turn around and leave them there.

“What the hell is going on?” she asked.

“I’m going to give you some space,” Bluebell said, taking a forkful of pasta for herself and picking up a coffee she’d obviously helped herself to. She moved into the bedroom. She would still hear everything — the walls were like paper — but Autumn was more alarmed to realise that Bluebell must know she and Bowie had slept together, and yet she hadn’t mentioned it. Not even to tease Autumn. Something was seriously wrong. She found herself annoyed at them both. She’d always hated drama. It was the main reason she didn’t get properly involved with anyone. Now, thanks to the first friend she’d let into her life in years and the first man she had ever liked, it looked like she was knee-deep in it. In that moment — sick of their flightiness, their unpredictability and their self-centredness — Autumn wished she’d never met either of them. She no longer liked the way they made her feel, as though she was the most important person in the world to them one minute, then absolutely nothing to them a moment later. She tried not to glare at Bowie, but she couldn’t help it. He was staring at the floor.

She prompted him. “Bowie?”

His eyes met hers.

“Can you sit down, please?” he asked.

“Do I need to?”

“Yes.” He swallowed. “I think you do.”

Autumn threw her bag on the floor and sat down opposite him on her dressing-table stool. She didn’t want to sit beside him. She was afraid to. She could smell his alluring aroma from across the room and she didn’t trust herself not to forgive him instantly on the basis he smelled so appealing to her. He watched her, saying nothing. Autumn braced herself.

“Go on.” She urged him to speak.

“I’m really ill,” he said.

Autumn frowned. She hadn’t been expecting that. She’d been sure he’d been about to admit to having a girlfriend or offer her a feeble excuse of some sort. She felt relieved, until he continued. “Not just ill,” he said. “Really, properly ill. I have a diagnosis, I mean. I should have told you before but everything was so perfect, and then yesterday, after I left you, I got so tired I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t get Marley on his own to ask him to call you and the only other person I could get to let you know was Bluebell, but I didn’t know how she would react . . .”

Bowie was becoming hysterical. Autumn suspected he was going to cry and she wasn’t sure how she’d feel if he did. Where she was from, men didn’t show their emotions so readily. Without thinking too much about it, she crossed the room to comfort him. He opened his arms and pulled her down onto the sofa, clutching her to him.

“Mum forced me into the shower,” he said. “And it washed your number off my hand. I came over as soon as I could, but you didn’t come home and I had to find somewhere to rest, so I put the note on your stairs and went to a hotel around the corner to sleep. I came back the second I’d woken up, but walking upand down stairs is really hard for me sometimes, I’m really tired and my back hurts. After I saw you on the stairs and you left for your date, I needed to stop for a rest, so I finished the climb and sat down on your landing, but I was in so much pain. I knew I couldn’t handle walking back down on my own, I was stuck at the bottom of your fucking spiral staircase, on the landing outside your neighbour’s apartment. I couldn’t just stay here. If you’d come back with that guy, Autumn . . . I was terrified about how that would make me feel. I had to knock on your neighbour’s door so I could call someone from his phone. Marley wasn’t answering, so it had to be Bluebell because hers is the only other phone number I know off by heart. I obviously had to tell her everything when she got here, though she had pretty much guessed it all by then.”

Autumn couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. She felt upset with herself. If only she had given him a chance to explain earlier.

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