Page 92 of Dangerous Play

Ivy was happy, but I caught her eyes flashing with concern from time to time, especially as her birthday neared. I plannedthis whole surprise party for her together with Rosalie and Nova to make sure she felt loved and celebrated. I also told her I was happy to go visit her family over the weekend so she could celebrate with them too.

I hadn’t asked about Daisy and Ander, but I didn’t even want to; they didn’t matter to me. As long as Ivy was happy, I didn’t mind what the plan was for her birthday.

I was still waiting for the final schedule of when the Training Camp would take place and which pre-games I was required to play. There were always at least two or three friendly matches before the World Cup to make sure team chemistry was there and all the players knew what they were doing.

“You are awfully quiet today,” I told Ivy as we reached the viewpoint of the hike I found for us weeks ago when we weren’t even together. As soon as I saw this trail pop up on my TikTok, I saved it, knowing she would love it, and I didn’t want to be here with anyone else.

“I’m just tired,” she muttered, sadness lingering in her eyes as I wrapped my arms around her from behind and kissed the top of her head. “School is crazy busy, and I don’t know. Just everything seems to be happening very fast.”

I remained quiet for a long second as I watched the ocean appear on the horizon over all the trees we passed.

“Do you think we are too fast too?” I asked her, not wanting to beat around the bush. “I know you said you wanted a fresh start, but it’s not like we can pretend we don’t know each other…”

She nodded as her body leaned into me more. Her body language was the complete opposite of her mood and words. “I just wish… we had a do-over at things.”

I didn’t want a do-over, especially not after telling her I loved her and her not saying it back. It was clear I was in love with her,but I wasn’t sure she was there yet or if she was ready to accept it.

“Did you get your schedule?” she asked instead of waiting for my reply. “For the camp and the games?”

“No,” I shook my head. My arms tightened around her as she scoffed.

“I saw the U.S. is playing Spain in a friendly game on my birthday weekend.”

I dropped my head into her neck and kissed her favorite spot, but she pulled away.

“Why didn’t you say something?” She turned in my arms, her eyes full of hurt. “I would understand. I know soccer comes first, and it’s just a stupid birthday. But I wanted you to tell me.”

“Because I was trying to get out of it,” I confessed. “I called Hitchings, asking if I could play any other game, any other time, no matter what. But because it’s a weekend game, both the school and the team think I need to play it. Plus, it’s Spain, and he wants a strong team. I was on the phone with him this morning too, trying to move it, begging him to come up with a solution. I don’t want to miss your birthday. I want to be there for you.”

Ivy hummed. “It’s not about my birthday…”

“What is it then? I’m sorry this is a mess right now and I can’t offer you anything more stable. I can’t offer you a do-over now. This is all I can offer you. My time, as much as I have of it, and my attention whenever I can spare it.”

“But soccer comes first.” There was resignation in her voice. “I know soccer comes first. I didn’t expect to come first. I guess it just hurts now that I realize it.”

I ran my hand through my messy hair and sighed. “You know you matter. You are important to me. Hell… I…”

“Please don’t say it again,” she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’ve already been here. I’ve already done this with Ander.”

“This is different.” I took her shoulders in my hands and looked deep into her eyes. “I want to do everything to make this work, and I want to give you everything. I’m not saying it will be easy, but we can make it work. I will be coming back between games and training camps. I still study here; it’s just for this semester. Don’t let four months of hardship take away what could be a very long future.”

Tears spilled from her eyes. “I know. I’m trying to be positive, but I can’t go through this again, Max. I can’t just be waiting around for your attention. I want to be with you, truly, but I will always come second, and right now, if you choose to focus on your career, I should focus on my life. I can’t keep living with the Titans and attending Westpoint where I don’t have any friends.”

“Just transfer to Hillview,” I offered. “We have the same programs. You can even transfer all your credits.”

“I picked Westpoint because they have the best computer science program,” she reminded me. “And I’m going to see it through. But if you choose soccer, it’s only fair you let me choose myself too, and we can meet up after the World Cup, next semester. Give each other time to grow and work on what we want. And if in September we both feel the same and want to resume this relationship from where we are right now, we can. But don’t… put me through this uncertainty of a waiting game.”

“You said you would cheer me on no matter where…” I reminded her of her words before the semi-finals as I wiped her tears. “Was that fake?”

Ivy let out a strained laugh. “No, Max. Nothing was fake for me. But you keep asking me all the time what was fake and what wasn’t, and that’s why I told you we need a do-over. Like this, we are both so caught up in what happened when it was supposedto be fake and all this uncertainty. It’s really not healthy. And to answer you, I will always support you. No matter what or where. I can be next to you as your friend, but I can’t put myself through the back and forth. It might make me selfish to choose myself when I spent so much time and energy helping you believe in yourself, but I need to do this for myself. For once in my life, I need to be selfish and put myself first, because it’s clear no one else is willing to put me first.”

I couldn’t argue with her. Not when she made such valid points. We were at one of the most beautiful sceneries I had seen in a very long time, and my heart was breaking.

I had never experienced heartbreak before. But the way my chest ached and felt like something was breaking inside me was real. The pain radiated through my whole body, and my throat burned from all the emotions.

All I could do was nod because I couldn’t put her first. Not when I had my dream, one I had worked for years to achieve, right in front of me. I would have never forgiven myself for that. No matter how much I wanted to put her first and show her how much she really mattered, I had to realize she was right, and maybe we needed this distance.

“I never intended for this to end this way,” I muttered. “When I approached you at the beginning of the year.”

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