Page 89 of The Sky Between Us

“You know, I talked to a therapist,” Camilla told me, dancing from one leg to the other, her black tracksuit still too baggy on her. “Actually, I did more than that, but it’s better now. Plus, I can dance again! Are you going to watch my solo?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I smiled at her.

“I miss Aiden,” she muttered quietly as I scanned the room ready to leave, but her low and sincere voice made me stop. “I don’t like that he left. It was different from him being only three hours away or a continent away. You must miss him too… despite…”

Slowly nodding my head, I didn’t offer any further explanation. “Think of him while you dance. Think of dancing for him.”

A slow smile crept on Camilla’s face and tears shimmered in her eyes. “Okay, I will.”

The next couple of hours were spent in lyrical and jazz class which were fun. Mark was one of my favorite choreographers back in the day and assisting him felt amazing. I loved dancing on the stage and demonstrating moves, but this one felt even more special as I had a part in creating it. Mark and I did both of the numbers together and he even allowed me to teach a section on my own. It felt weird having a little headset on me and talking through a crowd full of kids I used to be. Most dancers had a natural transition into teaching: one day they were dancers, the next teachers. Without my break, I could have simply done that, but now I had to gain back everyone’s trust. My name didn’t mean anything anymore, I had to earn my titles back and work even harder for the new ones.

Our jazz number was fun and sassy to Britney’s “Circus” and I could tell the seniors were enjoying the challenging steps to the upbeat song and giving us all the energy they had. The room was filled with excitement and passion that kept me flying through the choreo, forgetting that it was supposed to be awkward. Mark’s numbers were always full of turn combinations and cool jumps, which we didn’t forget this time either.

By the time we reached the emotional lyrical number, we picked a famous Olivia Rodrigo song and Mark insisted on it being Déjà vu. I was thankful for the choice as it didn’t remind me of Aiden and I couldn’t possibly get through a song like that. Déjà vu had nice dynamic changes and long extensions that could challenge our seniors. I watched the past senior dancers as they performed on stage as Mark and I walked around helping out with steps and instructing them. It was truly memorable to watch their passion and emotions shine through their movements. My eyes found Camilla in the crowd in her royal blue leotard matching the shining in her eyes as she executed the attitude turn that ended in a layout. She was beautiful and I hoped she would make the top 12, if not Top 3 best dancers despite being in the lower end of the age group. I heard she was Top 12 two years in a row, and last year, she was second runner up in teens. She really needed a big breakthrough and I understood why she placed such an enormous amount of pressure on herself and on being perfect. She craved that Best Dancer Title like no other.

Solos were coming up not long after classes and lunch ended and I promised Camilla, I will watch her. Not wanting to bother her preparation backstage, I went to the audience and took a seat waiting for her number to be announced.

“Next up is act number 283, Camilla Hitchings with Two of Us,” the commentator announced and I held my breath as she walked out in a beautiful grey, long-sleeved leotard, with small diamond like stones. The moment her music started I lifted my phone and started recording. I had a hunch her dance was to her brother, and right after the first step, I knew I was right. Her artistry and musicality shone through the choreography, with beautiful lines and careful executions. The way she connected to the music, she made me feel like Aiden was there on stage with her and she was dancing with him or for him. Her emotions were rolling off of her in waves, making it hard for me to breathe, tugging at my chest and making my eyes water. It was an emotional rollercoaster that only lasted three minutes but it made me lose a piece of me. She left it all on the stage; all her emotions, sadness and passion. That was why she needed to dance, no matter what.

As the commentator announced the next number, I opened my chat with Aiden, breaking my only promise I made to myself.

I won’t text him anymore.

But I couldn’t not let him see this. This was danced for him.

Hazel:I didn’t want you to miss this. Camilla really wanted you to see it.

And I sent the video.

Like the pathetic, hopeless person I was, I waited until the checkmarks turned blue and Aiden went online.

I held my breath for three minutes for what I assumed took him to watch the video, then for two extra ones until he collected himself to reply.

But nothing came.

No three dots appeared.

And his status changed from online to last seen a minute ago.

My heart broke a little as I locked my phone and slid it back to my pocket, but I had to remind myself I did that for Camilla, not for me. He didn’t need to reply to me, he had to reach out to his little sister. I was just the messenger, nothing else.

And I did my job.

MAY

The eleven-hour flight left me beaten up and exhausted but I still dressed up in my graduation gown and walked into the middle of the football field. Being back in Baywater felt different. I wasn’t the person I was before I left. I changed, I grew up and I became someone who I always wanted to be. Yet, I pushed through finishing school online between practice and games and graduated. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. There was no point letting 3.5 years of good GPA go to waste. My major was Sports Management anyway so it was fitting. But adult life took a toll on me and for the first time in my life, I experienced loneliness. It wasn’t the type of homesickness freshman have when everything is new. It was the type of soul crashing one, where even in the crowded room, I felt alone. Hazel brought me peace and she taught me many things, but she never once taught me how to live without her light. Because she was the light. She made being with someone seem easy. She was the type of love that you can find once in a blue moon if you are lucky. The one who puts you first no matter what. I was eternally grateful for her selflessness, the way she placed my career above all, the way she made sure I didn’t miss the moment of my sister performing. She was still there, even when she wasn’t. The ghost of her lingered within my family and inside of me.

I had a few months off before I had to go back in July to arrange the things that were left to do, say my real goodbyes this time, and see where everyone else was going.

Elliot didn’t leave my side since I landed. He picked me up and drove me straight to our home… their house where all my teammates awaited my arrival. There was pizza and beer and endless talking of all the things I’ve missed out on and never-ending questioning of the pro-life. None of them wanted to go pro, but they were intrigued. Doing something that you love as a job makes day-to-day life easier. I was lucky, I knew that, and in my sad moments, I was mad at myself for being ungrateful. Not everyone had the opportunities I did. Not everyone closed a rookie season with amazing stats that already had other club’s heads turned. Yet, I wasn’t fully satisfied.

“Aiden Hitchings!”

I took a couple of steps up to the stage and walked over to the Dean to take my Diploma and pose for a picture. The other students who were still seated cheered and the parents, seated in the audience, clapped and celebrated. A little boy stood on the edge waving at me like a maniac and by the messy brown curls, I recognized Sky. My lips curled into a smile and weird heaviness settled onto my chest.

I missed him.

“Thanks,” I muttered to the Dean with a smile as I walked off. This was the end of an era.

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