Page 85 of The Sky Between Us

I had one goal for the new year and that was to sort out my future. I wanted to make sure I had a plan because being with Aiden has taught me one important thing: that failure was inevitable. No matter what we did in life, we couldn’t always avoid being hurt and protect ourselves from pain. Pain finds its way into our lives either way. You can’t run away from it and you can’t hide. You need to embrace it and learn from it because life will keep giving you similar situations until it has finally taught you everything.

And it was clear I didn’t learn it all with Jake, that’s why I met Aiden.

This time around, I learned my lesson.

Kelly, our jazz coach, picked me up early in the morning on Saturday. It’s been the first week back to classes and we were getting ready for our UCA Nationals. With a sleepy yawn, I rubbed tiredness out of my eyes and dressed into my black leotard and black tights. It’s been a while since I wore dance clothes, but she insisted with assisting her that I look put together. I remembered how I used to hate ballet in my teenage years and I would wear booty shorts and a sports bra just to get sent out of class. Life did have a funny way to it because I was about to teach juniors and their first class was ballet. Thankfully, I didn’t need to teach that, but she allowed me to pick a song and teach them a lyrical dance for the second class.

Needless to say, excitement buzzed through my body and for once I felt alive.

It’s been a week back at classes, which I found boring and annoying. Dance practices took up all my time in the morning and after classes, leaving me with little time to miss Aiden. But when our boss from Starbucks called asking if I could pick up an extra shift, I froze and told her I was quitting. I couldn’t handle going back to the place we met and working there without him. The job was stupid and I didn’t really need the extra money, at least not yet. Maybe if I fail in creating a future plan for myself, I will have to fall back onto my barista knowledge. But for now, I planned on carving my own way.

And that included Kelly and my first taste of teaching.

Nervousness had my stomach in knots as I desperately needed this to work out. I wanted it to spark my passion and I hoped I could see myself doing this for a long time.

Otherwise, I had no idea what I would do with myself. I definitely wasn’t going to work in Marketing, that I couldn’t imagine myself doing.

Kelly chatted all the way through the twenty-minute drive to the local dance school where she was teaching. It was located in West Twin Peaks and she was splitting her time between various studios where she was holding classes but these kids were especially close to her heart. She entertained me with various stories of competitions, being careful not to ask me anything. She’s already made the mistake of probing me during our first ever rehearsal together. I was gone for four years from the dance world, but it held up my name. Not many kids who stopped competing held three out of four best dancer titles.

Lost in my thoughts, I only woke up when the car pulled into the spacious parking lot and a red brick building with a beautiful logo picturing a ballerina doing an arabesque and the name of the school was written around her in a circle.

Diamond Dance Academy

I watched in awe as we got out of the car and approached it. The letters glimmered like real diamonds in the morning sunlight. I’ve never given much thought to branding a dance school or naming it, but watching this one really made a difference. After all, it seemed like my Marketing classes did pay off. We walked into the friendly lobby, with comfortable chairs scattered around, designed as a waiting area.

Once we entered past the reception desk, a long hallway laid in front of me with various doors opening to dressing rooms, toilets and different studios. Every one of them had a name associated with it, making me smile as they were named after famous dancers. Recognizing ones like Sophia Lucia, someone I used to compete with made me happy. The dance world really was small.

Kelly showed me around in the space, but even if I wasn’t paying attention, the signs could help me out. The ballet studio was located on the first floor. It was a big illuminated space with four walls covered in mirrors and barres attached to the mirrors. A grand oak piano sat in one corner, causing me to sigh from the view.

I missed this place.

Several ten-eleven-year-old boys and girls sat on the Marley vinyl floor warming up their bodies and stretching their muscles, while they chatted. Some of them had their phones in their hands and were recording TikTok videos.

“Let’s get started,” Kelly clapped her hands and smiled at the kids who quickly jumped to their feet to put away their scattered stuff. “This is Hazel, she will be my assistant teacher today and she will teach you your lyrical.”

An excited whisper travelled through the kids before they moved to stand at their place by the barre. Kelly asked me to stand in the middle, and suddenly I was transported back to my last ballet class when I was fifteen. I still remembered the pain in my abdomen which I didn’t understand where it came from and the uncomfortable tenderness in my breasts. I felt disgusting and bloated, yet hungry. Best solution was to not eat anything which made me lightheaded, dizzy and tired. I was tired all the time. My head felt heavy as we went through the barre and by the time we reached the center, I could barely stand. After getting permission from the teacher to go home, I left the room and never once looked back. Little did I know that was the last time I’d step into a proper dance school.

Until now.

The barre that marked the beginning of the end once, now it became my new beginning. My life came full circle and after five long years, I finally felt like I belonged.

My fingers draw shapes on the blank message screen of my phone, unsure how and what to type. I knew what I needed to say, but it was harder than I thought.

I’ve spent the last two weeks travelling various soccer clubs in Europe, meeting head coaches and soccer teams I always looked up to. It was like I was living the dream I never allowed myself to even think of. Yet, there I was shaking hands with coaches I watched on the screen. Europe also didn’t disappoint, especially since offers just came flying from various clubs.

Another thing I never imagined. I got to choose which contract I wanted to sign. It was crazy to think that was what my life was becoming. And all thanks to Coach who introduced me to Jeremy. His mission was to sign me, his connections were endless and after the first three minutes in his company, I knew this guy doesn’t know failure.

And he delivered on his promise.

Arsenal and Ajax both offered me a contract and I was torn. On one hand, Ajax was a great stepping stone, an international team, the first ones who considered me. But Arsenal was tempting as it was in England. Everyone spoke my language there, while Dutch wasn’t an easy one to learn.

The need to ask Elliot or discuss this with Coach arose in me, but I pushed it down. This had to come from me. This was my future. My finger hovered on Hazel’s name, the desire to hear her voice crushing me at once. Over the past few weeks, I became good at diverting my thoughts from her to soccer… football, kept me occupied. But now, my mind was rooted back to her, reminding me of her beautiful smile that lit up her face, the soft curves of her body, the way she felt between my arms and the sweet sounds she made when I was inside her. I never thought I could miss a person as much as I missed her. The moment she exited my car I wanted to shout after her and beg her to come with me. Soccer girlfriends did that all the time, moved where the player moved. But I couldn’t ask her that. I couldn’t take away her time with Sky, I couldn’t take away the opportunity for her to figure out her own path. She needed distance and clarity. I had to give it to her because I hoped one day, we would find our way back to each other.

Was that too naïve to think? Probably, but I didn’t care.

A knock pulled me out of my thoughts and I watched Jeremy enter my hotel room in Amsterdam. It wasn’t anything special, just a King-sized bed, a flat screen TV and beige curtains and walls. My luggage was spread on top of the table and my clothes neatly folded.

“Have you given it a thought?” he asked without greeting me. Straight to the point.

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