Page 90 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

The phone rings and rings.

I bite my cheek to try and stop myself from crying on the phone. I want her to know how much she hurt me. That right now I hate her.

She doesn’t answer.

I let the phone slip out of my hands, knowing this is a taste of how it’ll feel when she’s really gone, and it rattles against the floor.

This time, she didn’t answer, but one day she won’t beableto answer.

Margo pulls me into the field of wildflowers like she’s done so many times before, but this time the sky turns black, and her hand slips out of mine. There’s a dark poison that seeps into the world, wrapping around Margo and dragging her away from me. I reach for her, but the dark poison grabs on to my arms and legs, keeping me from getting any closer. The distance grows, and I’m forced to watch her disappear into thin air.

I jerk awake, sweat running down my face, and I’m breathless.

It’s early. My alarm hasn’t gone off. I lie back down, gasping for air. I’m afraid to close my eyes because I’m scared I’ll be thrown back into the nightmare.

I check my phone to see if she’s replied to any of my messages, but they aren’t even marked as read.

I kick off the covers and change into my clothes for the day. If she won’t text me back, then the next best option is to go to school, hoping she shows up. I grab my bag and leave my room. I almost kick over a covered plate of food that’s sitting on the ground beside the door. It must’ve been dinner from last night. I pick it up, knowing better than to eat it now, and carry it to the kitchen. I set it down on the counter.

The house is still dark. I’m not sure if everyone is asleep or if Laura is out for a run, but either way, I slip out unnoticed. I catch an early bus and wait in the cafeteria because there are only a handful of other students who’d bother to come this early. The school is practically vacant. I’d go to the library, but I’m afraid of running into Annie.

I rest my head on the table, hiding away from anyone who might try and talk to me. I doze off briefly, waking up to theroom buzzing with students all around me. Most of them are eating breakfast, chatting with their friends, and completely oblivious to how my world is crashing down.

She should be here by now.

I stand and walk to the hallway. I walk through a cloud of freshmen and continue to the senior wing of the school. I spot Margo at her locker. She isn’t dressed in her usual bubbly outfit. She’s wearing a hoodie, and the only pop of color is her bright backpack.

I lean against the locker next to hers. “You don’t get to tell me you’re dying and then ignore me.”

She exhales slowly as she puts a book on the top shelf. “Lower your voice.” Her eyes are just as puffy as mine. Her face is pale, and her nose is red.

“Are you going to talk to me?” I ask.

She shuts the locker. “What’s there to talk about? You know the truth. Talking about it isn’t going to change anything.”

She starts walking and I follow her.

“That doesn’t mean you have to give me the cold shoulder. You’re treating me like I did something wrong.”

Margo skids to a stop and spins on her heels. “Because you did. Annie hates me right now.” I didn’t know it was possible to have someone yell at you with a hushed voice, but she is. “She won’t talk to me. She won’t look at me. She even slept on the couch last night because of what you told her. I haven’t seen her all morning!”

This isn’t fair. I shouldn’t be blamed for telling the truth. “I was trying to be honest. I didn’t want her to get her hopes up. You were trying to force me to like her, and she’s not my type.”

“Oh, really? And what is?” Margo’s eyebrows shoot up. “A dying girl?”

No. That’s not what I want. That’s scary. That’s a commitment with a sure end. I know I can’t do that, but I also hate the idea of Margo walking away and ignoring me again. I want to tell her all of the emotions running through me, but the words get caught in my throat, and instead, I say nothing.

“That’s what I thought,” she says, turning away. “I need some space. I need to fix things with Annie, and I can’t do that with you around.” She brushes past me.

A shiver runs down my spine as our distance grows, sending me on edge. My fist curls at my side, and I take in a deep breath. “Don’t walk away from me, Margo!”

She keeps walking, my words having no power.

My chest heaves as my mind grasps at straws. “You owe me!”

She stops in the middle of the hallway.

For a second neither one of us moves. We’re both stubborn, holding our ground. But I’m impatient and march up to her. With my hand on her shoulder, I turn her to face me.

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