Page 88 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

“Come on,” I say, peering over at her. “You’ve been baking so much that you’re sharing with the neighbors.” This week alone she’s taken brownies and cookies to the Jackman kids.

“And they like it.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You said you’d think about going back.”

“I know,” she says, tightening her grip on the steeringwheel. “But I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to do anything that’ll distract me right now.”

I need to figure out a way to remind her how much she loved it. I’m worried that if she doesn’t have anything else to fixate on, she’ll get depressed after I die. She needs to remember who she was before my illness. I know that’s the only way she’ll be able to move on.

I don’t argue with her, but I start scheming. Maybe I can trick her into going to the labor and delivery wing at the hospital. That wouldn’t be too hard, would it? I know when she sees those little babies, she won’t be able to deny the urge to go back.

It’s not long before we’re pulling into the driveway. I head inside right away, hoping if I go straight to Annie, it’ll be like ripping off a Band-Aid. Still, I inch down the hallway, dreading the disappointment and sadness I’ll see in Annie’s face.

The door is still locked, but our lock is a joke. It can be turned with a butter knife or fingernail. I unlock it, and step inside the dark room. Annie is in bed with the covers wrapped around her tightly. Her long hair is wild, scattering over the pillow.

“Annie?”

There’s no response, but I know she isn’t asleep. Annie is a windmill when she sleeps. She wouldn’t still be under the covers. She’d be hanging halfway over the side of the bed.

I sit on the corner of her bed. “Annie, I’m sorry.”

“You knew?” she whispers.

“Yes, but I didn’t know this would happen.”

She rolls over and glares at me with puffy eyes. “Of course this would happen. Everyone always likes you more than me. Why would this be any different?”

“Annie, that’s not true. I told him if he got to know you, he’d realize how great you are.”

Her eyes widen, and her bottom lip wobbles. “You told him I liked him? How could you do that? I specifically told you not to get involved. Don’t you listen to what I say?”

I fidget with my hands, not knowing what else to do with them. “I was just trying to help.”

Her face lightens a shade. “What exactly did you do?”

“All I did was ask him to meet you at the bookstore.”

Her jaw drops, and a tear cascades down her cheek. “I can’t believe you did that to me! Can’t you see how humiliating this is? You let me gush about him for hours when you knew the truth!”

“I swear, I didn’t know then.”

Annie pushes the covers off herself and stands up. “You really expect me to believe that?”

“It’s true. I just found out today. To be honest, I didn’t think he was good enough for you at first, but after I got to know him, I realized I was wrong. I wanted you two to end up together—”

“You always think you know what’s best for everyone else, but you don’t! You had no right to get involved.” She shakes her head, tears pouring now. “You just couldn’t help yourself. You always have to be the puppet master, but I’m not your puppet!”

My head pounds, and my stomach turns. “That’s not true! I did this for you. I always let you have your way.”

“Really? Because I wanted you to stay out of this, but you didn’t! Daniel likes you—perfect Margo. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

“You don’t have to!” Tears are flooding my eyes too. Idon’t want to fight with Annie. This isn’t how I want her to remember us. “I already told Daniel we can’t be together.”

Her breath catches, and her head tilts. “Can’t?That makes it sound like you want to be with him, but I’m stopping you.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Really? So you don’t like him?”

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