Page 80 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

Papa walks into the living room. “Hey, Bug. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say, slouching more into the couch, wishing it would swallow me whole.

“Come on. I know you better than that.” He sits down next to me and pats my head. “Tell me.”

“It was a long day.” I lean into him. “I need to think about something else.”

“Want to get out of here?” he asks.

Papa is rarely home, so I feel guilty wanting to take him up on his offer.

“What about Mama?” I ask. She’s off running errands, but she doesn’t like it when we miss dinner. She thinks it’s the most important meal of the day because it’s the one we get to spend together.

“I think she can spare us for a couple of hours,” he says.

I’m not so sure. “You think?”

He nods. “Let’s go do something fun. Besides, when was the last time we did something just the two of us?”

He’s right. I’ve been so focused on Mama and Annie I almost forgot about helping Papa relax and focus on something other than work. This will be good for both of us.

As we make our way to the car, we pass Mrs. Jackman watering the roses in front of her house. She smiles and waves at us.

“How are you feeling?” I ask her.

“We’re doing well,” she says, laying a hand on her belly, which has grown since the last time I saw her. “I’m almost eight months along now. I’m a little tired, but that’s it.”

I hope I get to meet the baby. I love seeing tiny fingers and toes and the way babies fit perfectly in their mother’s arms.

“I’m happy to hear that,” I say as I open the passenger door and get in the car.

Papa turns on a podcast as we start driving, and I sink into the passenger seat, watching the sunset. I love how the colors paint the sky, and it’s never the same. Each sunset is unique, full of character, and never overstays its welcome.

Normally, I’d find a million things to talk about, but right now all I want to do is look out the window. There’s so much on my mind that I don’t know where to start. I don’t knowhow to explain my feelings to Papa because I don’t really understand them myself.

“Want to talk about it?” Papa asks.

“It’s nothing important,” I say, but the truth is I don’t know why I’m upset. I can’t label it. I know there’s a small pull in my gut when I think about Daniel going to see Annie. A seed of jealousy, maybe? But that’s silly. The only reason I’m spending time with him is because I have to. Right?

“Are you sure, Bug?”

“I just have a lot on my mind right now, but it’ll be okay.” I smile, trying to convince him I don’t need him to jump in and make everything better the way he did when I was younger. “Where are we going?”

A coy smirk coats his face.

“Oh, no,” I say.

“Oh, yes,” he replies.

Something most people don’t know is that my parents met at the roller rink. Then when they had us, they had us skating before we could ride a bike. We used to go to the rink all the time, but then our lives got busy and we gradually stopped going. Even though I haven’t been there in years, I know as soon as I put on the skates, muscle memory will kick in.

The place is packed tonight, but that’s how I like it. I hate it when there are only a few people because everyone can see when I mess up. Bright, colorful lights dance across the building, and loud disco music blares. We rent our skates—well, Papa rents skates, and I rent blades because I think they’re easier to balance on—and we find an empty table to sit at while we put them on.

“Think you’re still faster than me?” Papa asks.

“I guess we’ll have to find out.”

He smiles and stands. “This is one of my favorite songs.Come on, let’s go.” He holds out his hand, and I take it, letting him pull me to my feet.

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