Page 10 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

Whenever I come, my skin crawls and my hands clam up.

I knock on her door before walking in. Grandma sits in a rocking chair by the window.

“Hello, Aunt Janet.” Laura walks over to give her a hug.

“Oh, hi,” Grandma says. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

She saw Laura last week.

Laura smiles anyway. “We thought we’d come say hi.”

“And who’s this?” Grandma asks, looking at me.

My heart sinks. Every time she forgets me, I’m reminded of how insignificant I was to her. If she can remember Laura, who she rarely saw, she should remember me. I lived with her my whole life.

I stay by the door, ready to flee as soon as Laura’s required visit is finished.

“That’s Daniel. He’s Ashley’s son,” Laura says.

Hearing my mother’s name is like nails on a chalkboard. I grew up hating her for abandoning me. I hate her even more for dying. She overdosed seven months after she left me with Grandma.

Grandma’s face pinches together as she studies me. “Ashley’s boy?”

Laura runs over to me and grabs my hand. She pulls me toward Grandma despite me dragging my heels. “Today was his first day of school.”

Grandma smiles at me. “What’s your name?”

I don’t want to remind her again. I want her to know it without being told.

“His name is Daniel,” Laura says.

“That’s a nice name,” Grandma says. “Come sit down. Tell me about your first day of school.”

Why? So she can be disappointed? I slept through my classes, I got in a fight, and I have detention for the next week. At this rate it’s better if she continues forgetting me.

Laura waits a minute for me to talk, but when I don’t, she fills the silence. “He’s going to school with my daughter now.”

“How nice.” Grandma frowns. “Ashley hasn’t visited me in a while. How is she?”

Laura shifts her weight. “Ashley is really busy.”

Grandma scratches her head as if she’s trying to connect the dots. “Well, you tell her to come visit me soon.”

“We will,” Laura says, looking over at me. “Right?”

I raise my eyebrow in response. “Uh, sure.” I can’t stand pretending my mom is alive, but I’m not about to go throughthe roller coaster of reminding Grandma her daughter has been dead for years. It’s not worth it. She’ll forget again.

All I want to do is get out of here as soon as possible. I don’t see the point of coming since eighty percent of the time Grandma doesn’t recognize me, but Laura insists.

I find a chair in the corner of the room and sit while they chat. I nod or shake my head in response to every question I’m asked until I’ve been here long enough to leave.

CHAPTER FOUR

MARGO

One week later

“No,” Mama says. “I don’t accept that. Run the tests again. They’re wrong.”

---