Page 109 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

CHAPTER THIRTY

MARGO

I help Mama set the table, making sure to add an extra placemat. Mama brings out her dishes. She made the salmon, potatoes, and salad, but she also made another dish. It’s covered, but I know it’s meant for Daniel.

One by one we filter into the room and take a seat. Our table is round so there’s no head or foot, but Papa always sits underneath the window. Annie and I always sit across from each other. I squeeze Daniel in between me and Papa.

“It smells wonderful,” Papa says.

After Daniel sits down, Mama reaches over and takes the cover off her secret dish. It’s stuffed mushrooms, and the garlic wafting from them makes my stomach growl. They’re so hot that the cheese is still bubbling.

“I hope you like mushrooms. I filled them with cheese and spinach. There are also some breadcrumbs on top to give it a little texture, but if you don’t like mushrooms, you don’t have to—”

“I like mushrooms,” Daniel says, smiling. It’s a cute smile, one where I can tell he’s trying not to let it show, but he can’thide it. That’s the way he is. I think he’s scared to show others when he’s happy. Like he’s afraid if someone notices, they’ll take his happiness away from him.

“Oh good,” Mama says. “Well, don’t just sit there. Dish up.”

Daniel takes his fork and transfers one of the stuffed mushrooms to his plate.

Mama reaches over and adds another. “Don’t be shy.” She adds mashed potatoes and salad to his plate.

“Mama, he can get his own food,” I whisper.

He shakes his head, his smile growing a little wider. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

“Tell us about yourself,” Papa says. “What do your parents do?”

Daniel’s back stiffens. He stares at Papa like he’s been caught red-handed, but having a complicated family isn’t a crime. His foot starts to tap, and he grabs his leg like he’s trying to stop it from shaking.

I speak up so he doesn’t have to. “Daniel lives with his cousins. Laura is a spin instructor and Rob is a manager for a construction company.”

Daniel’s leg calms.

“Oh, nice,” Papa says. “Maybe we could invite them over for dinner sometime.”

“I bet they would love that,” I say.

We spend the next ten minutes or so eating. Mama asks more questions about Daniel, but she’s not the type to wait for answers. She answers her own questions with her best guess and moves on. Daniel stays pretty quiet. He tries to smile every time I steal a glance at him, but I know there’s something weighing on his mind. I wish he’d tell me what he’s thinking instead of holding it all inside.

“Excuse me,” he says, pushing his chair back and standing. “I need to use the bathroom.” He leaves the dining room, but we didn’t give him a tour when he got here.

“Is he leaving?” Mama asks. “He’s walking to the entryway.”

I jump up. “I don’t think he knows where the bathroom is.” I race out of the dining room and catch up to him.

He stands in the entryway next to my backpack, back arched as he bends over my notebook in his hands. My heart beats faster, seeing the page he’s looking at.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

He looks up and swallows. Tears prick at his eyes. “I told you to add yourself to the list, but instead you added me.”

I take the book from his hands, close it, and tuck it under my arm. “You weren’t supposed to see that. Why are you going through my things?”

He stares at his feet. “I wanted to help you with your list, but I don’t know if I can do what you want me to.”

Daniel: help him figure out where he belongs.

“Why not?” I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I want him to be okay when I leave. I want him to reconnect with his father. His cousins also care about him, but he can’t see that. I want him to try harder with them. I’ve seen the way he acts with Olive. He cares about her. He protects her.

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