Page 128 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

It’s not long before our food is brought out. Garlic and parmesan fill the air, making my stomach growl. Our pasta is already separated into two plates, and the waiter grates fresh cheese on top. He also brings us a plate of French bread that looks equally as good.

I take a bite. The pasta is cooked perfectly, not too soft, and yet the smooth sauce seems to melt in my mouth.

“Do you like it?” Daniel asks.

“It’s amazing,” I say, motioning to his plate. “Try yours.”

He loads his fork and takes a bite.

“Well?” I ask.

He grins. “Wow.”

I point my fork at him. “You chose a good place.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

I take another bite, but this time I try it with the bread. As I expected, the bread is buttery and perfect too.

We eat in silence for a few minutes. I think it’s because we’re both hungry, but it isn’t long before Daniel talks again. We talk about how Laura is having a baby and about the concert Annie and I are going to. Then Daniel mentions how he’s been helping Olive practice her lines for her play. It’s nice talking. It’s easy.

After dinner we share a slice of chocolate cake before wandering back outside. Mama is supposed to pick me up, but she’s not here yet. While we wait, we sit on a little bench outside of the restaurant and enjoy the soft breeze drifting through the air.

“So do you still want to join the circus?” Daniel asks. “Should we add that to the list?”

“Believe it or not, I’ve moved on.”

“That’s a shame.”

I don’t think about what my future could’ve been very often because I don’t see the point in dwelling on something out of my control. I won’t waste time being upset by the things I don’t get to do, but every once in a while, I like to imagine what my future could’ve been like. “I think if I wasn’t sick, I would’ve made a good detective.”

“You think?” Daniel raises an eyebrow. “I know.”

“Do you?”

“You’ve practically found my dad already.”

I watch the traffic; the lights from the cars blur as they zoom by. “I haven’t yet.”

“Well, we meet Meghan tomorrow, and I’m pretty sure she knows who he is.”

There’s been so much going on lately, I almost forgot about that, but he’s right. We have plans to meet her tomorrow after school. “You’re right. She probably does.”

He leans back. “So what else would you do if you weren’t sick, Detective Blakely?”

“Hmm.” I close my eyes and try to picture my future. There can’t be any harm in imagining it once, right? “Well for one, I’d grow my hair out. Super long. Longer than Annie’s. I’d learn to dance and play an instrument. And I’d travel the world to see everything from the arctic to the deserts in Africa.” I open my eyes and that future disappears, so far out of reach that I already forgot what it looked like.

Daniel closes his eyes. “I’d learn to braid your hair, no matter how long it was. I’d dance with you in the moonlight and under the stars. I’d listen to you play whatever instrument you chose every night, even if you didn’t hit the right notes at first. And I’d travel the world with you.”

A tear falls down my cheek because when he describes my future that way, it’s so vivid. It’s beautiful. It makes me wish it were real.

“Daniel?” I say.

He opens his eyes.

I don’t think I’ve actually told him how I feel. I assume he knows, but I want him to hear me say it. “I really like you.”

He touches my cheek, wiping away the tear as he looks into my eyes. He sees me, every bit of me, broken pieces and all. “I love you.”

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