Page 127 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

He eases, eyes softening. He takes a deep breath as his posture relaxes. When he looks at me, his gaze is heavy. All of his attention falls on me, weighted with longing. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“You always know the right thing to say to me,” he says.

I don’t know what to say back so I grin. I’m glad he’s comforted by me, but I know he could be comforted by othersif he’d give them a chance. What I say isn’t special, it’s just that he chooses to believe me.

“Can I ask you something?”

He nods.

“What do you plan to do after school?”

He takes a sip of his now-refilled water. He clears his throat and looks off again. “I don’t really know. I haven’t thought about it very much.”

“Come on,” I say. “There must be something you want to do. What did you dream about becoming when you were a kid?”

He laughs. “It’s cliché.”

“So? Tell me.”

“I used to say I was going to be a veterinarian.”

“That makes sense.” I still remember the way he took care of the cat we found. He loves animals. “I bet you would be great at that.”

He shrugs. “I don’t think I could afford the school so it doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t say that. You should talk to your school counselor. I bet there are options for you. Besides, you’re smart. I know if you set your mind to it, you could qualify for a scholarship.”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

The waiter comes back and we order. Daniel takes my suggestion, and we order a pasta dish without meat to share. I don’t have much of an appetite so I know I can’t finish a whole dish by myself. Besides, I want to save what little room I have for dessert since it’s the most important meal, after all.

“What about you?” Daniel asks.

“What about me?”

“What did you want to do when you were little?”

I went through so many different phases. As a kid I said all of the generic answers like firefighter, singer (even though I can’t carry a tune), and doctor. But there was one answer that stood out the most. It was the most outrageous, and I can’t help but laugh when I think about it. “I wanted to be— Wait for it—” I bite my lip. “I told everyone I was going to join the circus.”

Daniel chuckles. “Oh, really?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“What were you going to do?”

I cover my laugh. “I don’t think I ever thought that far ahead.”

All the tension that was here before has dissolved into thin air. We’re laughing and smiling. I love it.

“So you were just going to show up?”

I raise my shoulders. “I guess so. I mean, I’m a quick learner. They could’ve shown me how to use the trapeze or something.”

“Because that’s not hard at all,” he agrees sarcastically.

“Exactly.”

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