Page 119 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

She covers her face with her hands and giggles. “Okay, you’re right. Just delete the proof.”

I shake my head. “Nah, this is going to be my screensaver.”

“Your screensaver? No, it’s awful.”

I shrug. “Well, it’s the only picture I have of you.”

She crosses her arms. “Then take another one.”

I like the picture I took, but I wouldn’t mind another one.She could fill my camera roll if she wanted to, but I don’t really know how to take a picture the way she wants. I hold the phone the same way as before, and I can tell by her expression she isn’t impressed.

“Let me show you,” she says, taking the phone from me. “Let’s use the front camera.” She links her arm in mine and holds the phone up with her other hand. It’s high up and tilted down. “Smile.”

She proceeds to take, not just one, but at least thirty pictures. She changes her pose in between with different expressions. I, on the other hand, smile at her.

“Come on, do something fun,” she says.

I kiss her cheek.

She gasps, then she clears her throat. “I think you have some more pictures to choose from,” she says, handing my phone back.

She’s right. The last picture we took is the best, much better than the first one I took. I’m kissing Margo, and from first glance, she’s shocked with her jaw dropping. But when I hold down the live photo, her face breaks into a smile.

Thisis my new screensaver.

When the rain stops, we head back outside. We’re both starving since neither one of us had a chance to eat before our food was ruined. Margo gets a burger, and I get a slice of cheese pizza. Then we spend the next hour or so trying rides and games until we’re both exhausted.

I follow Margo around to everything that catches her eye (which is a lot) and admire the way she takes in the world around her. Nothing is boring or trivial to her. She wants to learn and experience as much as she can.

I walk with Margo down the street toward her house. I wasn’t about to let her take the bus home alone. Not when I could spend more time with her.

“Did you have fun?” I ask.

She smiles. “Yeah.”

I rub the back of my neck. “That’s good.”

She stops and points at her big white house with the porch light on. “We’re here.”

My heart flutters with disappointment. The night is ending too soon.

She wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes me tight. “Thank you for tonight.”

I hug her back, wishing she’d stay here, but I know she needs to go inside. We can’t stand out here all night no matter how much I want to. “Can I see you again?”

“You’ll see me at school,” she says.

“And after that?”

She laughs. “Yes.”

Margo keeps her word, and that’s the only reason I let her go. I know if she says I’ll see her tomorrow, I will.

“Goodbye,” I say, waving.

She waves back. “I’ll see you later.”

Still, when she steps away, my heart pulls away with her. A weight immediately falls on my shoulders, and there’s an uneasy pit growing in my stomach. It’s a longing and fear that I’m going to carry as long as we’re apart. I know the only way to ease my worry is to have her in my arms every possible second.

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