Page 104 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

My foot taps on the ground, and I focus on the door, hoping that it’ll open and she’ll walk in. Minutes tick by, but she never comes. Finally, the bell rings and I dart back to the office. She should be done talking to Annie by now, right?

I need to make sure she’s okay. I need to erase my last memory of her with a better one. I need to see her smile again more than I need air.

The secretary jumps up when I run into the room. I race to the nurse’s office, jacket wanting to fly off my back, and burst through the door. The cot is empty. Margo is gone.

“They went home,” Ms. Peters says, wide-eyed and holding her clipboard to her chest.

“Oh.” I grab the doorframe to catch my breath. My chest heaves and my heart sinks.

“Don’t worry. The bleeding stopped,” she says.

“Okay,” I say, staggering back out of the office. “Thank you.”

Why didn’t Margo tell me?

Is she that upset?

There are beads of sweat building on my brow, and I wipe them away, then start texting Margo. I don’t want to be annoying, but I need to know if she is actually okay. If she doesn’t reply to me, I think I might lose my mind. I’ve never felt this intertwined in someone else’s life before. It’s like she’s part of me, and when she’s gone, I can’t function. Every corner of my mind is filled with her.

When Margo finally replies, my stomach flips. I smile.

She wants me to go to her house after school. Part of me wants to run out the door this instant, but I control myself. Her family will probably be home, and I can’t have her parent’s first impression of me be me skipping school.

Reluctantly, I head to my next class.

There’s a lump in my throat. What if her family doesn’t like me? What if Annie hates me? Margo cares so much about what her family thinks that I’m worried I’ll mess everything up. They’ll take one look at me and show me the door. Or better yet, they might not let me inside the house in the first place.

I knock, planting my feet firmly onto the porch and standing up straight. I cross my arms but then immediately drop them to my sides. I don’t want to come across as rudeand closed off. I stuff my hands into my pocket—one, then both, then one again. I can’t decide what the most natural and friendly pose would be.

Margo answers the door and steps out. She shuts it behind her. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I reply.

My rigid back starts to relax. She looks better, back to her normal cheery self. She’s changed into a light pink dress and tall checkered socks. I don’t know many people who could pull off this look, but somehow Margo does. “Will you sit with me?” she asks as she sits down on the porch steps.

I follow her lead and sit next to her. “Are you feeling better?”

She nods. “It looked worse than it was.”

I doubt that’s true, but if that’s what she wants me to think, I’ll agree. “Did you talk to Annie?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Annie and I are going to be okay.”

I know how much she was agonizing over their fight, so I’m glad they figured it out. But I can’t help but wonder what that means for Margo and me. Will she give me a chance now? “What about us?”

Her cheeks turn pink, and she rubs her arm. “I don’t know. This has all been really confusing.”

“Then why did you ask me to come here?” There must’ve been a reason. Margo always has a plan, an objective.

She looks down at her feet. “I found Meghan.”

I had almost forgotten that Margo was waiting for a response. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I got ahold of her number. At least, I think I did. It’s supposed to be Meghan’s number, but it’s been years so there’s a chance she got a different one. I texted it, and now I’m waiting again.”

“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. It doesn’t feel right that Margo is wasting her time on me. She’s wasting all her time on other people.

“Anyway, I just thought you should know,” she says, stepping off the porch like she’s already leaving.

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