Page 101 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

After a few minutes of awkward stumbling, we make it to the office. The secretary gasps and jumps out of her seat when I walk in. I know I look bad, but notthatbad.

“Margo needs to see the nurse,” Annie says.

“Of course,” she says. She runs over to one of the many doors and knocks on it. “Ms. Peters? Someone is here to see you.”

Ms. Peters opens the door, revealing a room with two cots. On the other side of the room is a sink and Ms. Peters’s desk. Without hesitation she rushes to my side. “Oh my. What happened?”

“It’s just a nosebleed,” I mumble through the paper towels.

She ushers us into the room and has me sit on one of the cots. Then she asks me to lower my hand so she can see. “It’s still bleeding, but I don’t think it’s quite as bad.”

Daniel and Annie stand off to the side, not wanting to make eye contact or touch, but at the same time, neither one wants to leave. I’m not used to seeing them in the same room. It’s like my two worlds are colliding.

Ms. Peters walks over to the sink and gets some fresh paper towels. She also grabs a wet wipe, which she hands to me when she comes back. “Do you want me to call a parent to come pick you up?”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Dear, your shirt is covered in blood.”

I look like I’m part of a crime scene. Red splotches pepper the front of my blouse and there’s even a spot or two on my pants. “Oh.”

“Do you have a change of clothes?” she asks.

“No.” The only reason I ever had extra clothes at school was back when I was in PE class. That was freshman year.

“Well, you could look in the lost-and-found bin to see if there’s something in there that fits.”

“Margo, you should call Mama,” Annie says. “This is bad. You might be...” She can’t even say what’s on her mind. “You need to go to the doctor right away. They need to run tests to make sure you’re okay.”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t. It’ll be fine.”

Annie tears up. “It’s not fine! You’re bleeding!” She marches over, inspecting my arm. “You’re bruising too. The cancer might be back. They said it could relapse.”

I grab Annie’s arm to stop her from frisking me, searching for more bruises. “I’ve already been to the doctor.”

Her lips part, and she catches her breath. There’s a sense of betrayal in her posture. Her back stiffens. “What?”

“Annie,” I say, pausing. I’m scared to tell her my secret. Once Annie knows, there’s no more pretending. There’s no denying it. This will be the real beginning of the end. “I’m sick.”

She shakes her head, a tear spilling onto her cheek. “No. You aren’t. You’re a liar! You lie about everything!” She stepsback, but I don’t let go. I’m not letting her run away this time. She closes her eyes so she doesn’t have to look at me. “I don’t believe you.”

I glance between Ms. Peters and Daniel. “Could you give us a minute please?”

“I think it’s about time to grab a coffee from the break room,” Ms. Peters says. Daniel is glued to the wall, but she pats his shoulder. “Let’s get you a pass for class.”

He’s ready to protest, but then he sees my pleading eyes and reluctantly follows Ms. Peters out of the room.

“I’m not lying,” I say.

She shakes my hand off her. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out the best way, and I couldn’t. Especially not after everything that happened with Daniel.”

She pulls at her hair, her face turning red. “Do you really think I care about that right now! How long have you known?”

“I found out about a month ago.” I can’t believe time is moving this fast. I want it to slow down so I can drag out every second. “I was going to tell you.”

Her tears flow freely down her face, and her shoulders start to shake. “How sick are you?”

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