Page 71 of If Ever

No one's ever told me we look alike before. Of course, there haven't been many people around who knew her either. "Thank you for that."

I gaze at Mom's face and miss her. The feeling fades sometimes, but then will surprise me again at unexpected times. He sips his coffee as I put the photo back.

The waitress arrives with our food. "Wow, you must be starved," I say, checking out his veggie omelet, with greens on the side, oatmeal, and bowl of fruit.

"It's a two-show day. I need all the energy I can to get through it." He digs in, and I feel a little guilty for showing up on such a busy day.

"Can I ask about your dad?" he asks softly.

I startle and look up from my ham and cheese omelet. So I guess we're going to have that awkward talk. "Sure, but there's not much to tell. My parents divorced when I was young and he left for a job in Paris."

"He just walked away?"

"Yup. I didn't see him again until Mom's funeral." I set my fork down and recall that long ago day. "I hugged him so hard when he showed up I think I scared him off."

"Why would you say that?"

"Maybe if I hadn't been so desperate, he might have let me go with him to live in France."

"You were a kid. He should have been there for you."

I stab at my eggs. "Well, he wasn't. He went back to his new family and left me with my grandfather who was suffering from Alzheimer’s."

"I can't believe he got away with that."

"Yeah, well he has a very good lawyer whose job was to keep me away from him, and my confused grandpa agreed to keep me, even though he was the one who needed care."

Tom shakes his head. "Are you sure you're okay talking about this?"

I know it's a shocking story for people to hear for the first time, but this is all old news. It's what happened, I'm long over the unfairness of it, but I get that Tom has questions. "I might as well get my skeletons out of the closet early. If you're going to bolt, I'd rather you did it before I actually start to like you."

"Oh, you like me," he says looking smug.

"You're mighty confident." I laugh, and take another bite.

"So what happened after your Grandpa passed?"

I wipe my mouth. "Well, the house had to be sold when Gramps went into the nursing home. I lived with my friend Jenny's family for a few months, but then her dad was transferred for work and they had to move to Seattle. It was the summer before my senior year."

"And you actually lived in your car." His tone is pained.

"I did." I say it as if it's no big deal, but the memories from that lonely time are carved in my psyche like a scar that won't fade.

"How long?"

"Until I graduated." Embarrassment creeps up at me. It shouldn't, but it does. I hate this feeling. I'm a survivor. I can take care of myself.

"Aren't winters really cold in Minnesota?"

I nod.

"You were a minor. Aren't there laws that should have protected you? I know this is none of my business, but didn't your mom or grandfather leave you any money?"

"My mother had life insurance money that she left to me in a trust, but my father, or rather I should say his lawyer, is in charge of it until I turn twenty-five. The only time I've been able to get access to it was for college tuition and books."

He grips his cup and his jaw clenches.

My eyes wander to the table, the floor, anywhere, but facing him. Talking about this was a mistake.

---