Page 7 of If Ever

"Sure, give me a sec." I set my drink on the table and make for the ladies room to improve on my dismal appearance. The restrooms are down a flight of stairs. At the bottom, Dominic is talking with pro dancer Pavel.

I'm about to greet them, when I hear Dominic say, "It'll be a miracle if we make it past tomorrow's elimination, let alone week two."

I halt and step back out of sight.

"She's not bad. You might eke out a couple of weeks," Pavel says.

"Hardly. It's bad enough she's a nobody. Did you see her with the press? She hasn't got a clue. She's as green and uncultivated as the Midwest farm she came from. God, I hope we're out tomorrow so I can get on with my life and work on my tour."

I break out in a sweat. He hates me.

Afraid of discovery, I flee back up the stairs. Here I was having the time of my life and all this time he's been putting on an act pretending to like me.

The party room is bursting with laughter and post-show elation. I've never felt so unwanted or out of place. This was a huge mistake. I slip through the crowd and out to the parking lot. Inside my car I grip the steering wheel. I don't belong here.

As I drive back to my apartment, every possible solution flies through my head. I could claim I'm sick and not show up tomorrow and let us be voted off without having to face the music. Or I could just call the producers and quit. Or maybe I should pick up my stuff and keep driving until I'm so far away there's no way I can be forced to see this thing through.

My phone rings as I'm pulling into my lot and I jolt. It's Anna.

"You were amazeballs!" she gushes.

I cringe.

"I can't believe you're out there with all those famous people dancing your ass off. You looked great!"

"Oh, Anna. The whole thing is a mess." I sigh and gather my bag from the car.

"Why?"

Inside my tiny apartment, I flick on the light revealing the bareness, a stark contrast to the colorful chaos of the ballroom. "I don't belong here. This show is meant for celebrities, people who know how to behave in front of a camera. No one even talks to me."

"Come on. Give it a chance. It's only week one, and you've got Dominic everyday. That's nothing to balk at."

I plop down on the couch. "He doesn't want me here either."

"What?"

"I overheard him with his friend. He's hoping we go home tomorrow."

There's silence on the other end, and then she says, "That's horrible. I thought he was a nice guy."

"More like Jekyll and Hyde. Sometimes he's nice and funny, other times he's distant and brooding. Now I know why."

"I'm sure it's not that bad?"

I hug a throw pillow as if it will keep me afloat. "Either way, it sucks to be me. I hope I get voted off tomorrow and can run home in humiliation. I expect some serious drinking to try to wipe this experience from my brain."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, don't sweat it. Just don't ever drag me into one of your bright ideas again. My ego can't take it."

The next day after an 8 a.m. hair and makeup call, Dominic and I meet with the wardrobe designer to discuss costumes for the next week, which is such a joke because there's is little to no chance I'll be here. I nod and smile in agreement because what's the point?

Afterward we block the beginning and end of the show and in the afternoon run a dress rehearsal, getting prepped on where to stand if we're in danger of being voted off or staying. Other than Hank and Dominic, no one speaks to me. They're all either hung over, self absorbed, or just plain rude. The whole experience takes me back to when I was fourteen and the odd girl that no one talked to because my mom died and I didn't have a dad.

In my trailer I hide out eating pizza and gummy worms, and consider my odds at staying on the show. I'm definitely the least known person. All the others know how to work the camera for maximum appeal while I'm more concerned with making sure I don't have food stuck in my teeth.

What if Dominic's past popularity as the it boy on the show pulls us through despite my mediocre dance moves and lack of social media presence? Then what? Another week of pretending that what started as the best experience of my life has turned into a disaster?

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