Page 143 of If Ever

I desperately want to pull her into my arms.

She turns to me—destroyed. "I want to go home."

"All right," I say and she starts walking.

"Chelsea, your coat." I catch up, forcing her to pause long enough for me to slip her coat on her. Her eyes are vacant as she digests what happened. "It's going to be okay," I reassure her.

"It's never going to be okay." Her voice is monotone and emotionless, stating it as fact.

I pull her hat onto her head and then zip up her coat. When I get the zipper up to her chin I give her a little shake. She raises her eyes to mine. They are dark and watery, filled with anguish. Her chin wobbles and I can tell she's holding herself together by a thread. I tie her scarf around her neck. Gently, I say, "Let's go."

We walk back in the frigid cold, every rush hour cab filled. There's no subway that goes the direction we need, but Chelsea trudges on unaffected by the icy wind. When we finally reach the flat, my fingers are frozen and face is numb.

Once we’re inside, Chelsea's strength dissolves and she slides down the wall to the floor. She buries her face in her hat and lets out an anguished wail. I drop to the floor next to her. She pulls her knees close and covers her head with her arms as wracking sobs consume her.

I've never felt more helpless.

She raises her head, her tortured eyes settle on mine. "I took their picture with you." She grabs her phone from her pocket and whips it against the wall where it cracks and ricochets across the wood floor.

"Oh, baby. I'm sorry." I hold her as she sobs into my chest. She's devastated and there's nothing I can do. I want to wring that asshole's neck as the love of my life trembles like a wounded animal.

"Let's get you out of this bulky coat." I fish my hands under her chin and unwrap her scarf, find her coat zipper and maneuver the coat off of her. Finally, I can wrap my arms around her lithe frame. Her face, damp with tears, is pressed against my chest, her hair catching on my chin.

I whisper in her ear and rub her arms. "It's going to be okay. I promise." Her sobs eventually ease until she's left with ragged breaths as she comes back to me.

"He doesn't give a damn about me. He never did." Her breath hitches.

"Shh. He's an asshole. He doesn't deserve you."

Tears roll freely down her face, soaking my jumper, and her teeth chatter. I hold her tightly in hopes she'll register the security I'm here to offer. My sweet Chelsea is grieving another blow from that bastard. "I love you. You hear me?" I kiss the top of her head.

"I love you, too," she answers. I murmur every soothing thing I can think of. Seeing her like this, rips my heart out. After a while her trembling subsides and her body goes slack, her energy spent. I smooth back her hair and kiss her forehead, loosening my grip. She places her hand on my chest. I was going to propose tonight at the restaurant, giving her the perfect birthday gift, but now it will need to wait until a time when she can feel joy again.

We stay there for a long time, me by the wall with her nestled between my legs and leaning against my chest. I'm afraid to move her or do anything that might upset the fragile thread she's clinging to, but then she shivers.

I rub her arm. "Let's move to the couch and warm you up? Okay?"

She nods and lifts herself off me, leaving my chest cool as the air hits my tear-dampened shirt. I sit her on the couch and tuck a throw blanket over her shoulders.

"How about some hot chocolate?"

"Thanks," she says, and stares across the room with an empty expression.

I whip up the drink, keeping an eye on her. I've dealt with plenty of disappointments in life, but nothing compared to the rejection of a parent.

"Here you go." I place the warm mug in her hands and sit beside her, my arm around her slumped frame.

"You're too good to me," she says quietly, contemplating the lettering on the Something Rotten mug.

"No, I'm not, but I love you so much and wish I could fix this."

"No one can fix it." She sips her drink and pauses a long time before she speaks. "I was finally happy, and seeing him after all this time churned up all the ugly truth."

"I know it seems impossible, but this will pass, and you'll be happy and stronger than ever. I promise."

Her lip trembles. "You know why I went into International Business and learned French?"

I shake my head, but I have a good guess.

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