Page 130 of If Ever

“I’m not. I have you.” I give him my best effort at nonchalance, but he sees through it.

“But I thought—"

“Tom, it’s fine.” He blames himself for me being alone, which is ridiculous. “I have plenty to do here. It’s snowing out. Here, look.”

I carry the laptop to the window. “Maybe I’ll make a snowman later.”

“God, Chelsea. This isn’t right.”

I shrug and change the subject. “Tell me how your dad liked his gift.”

Tom sighs, and we talk for a half hour more. Jasper appears again and shows me his new truck. When we say goodbye, our hearts are heavy, but we’ll both be back in New York in four more days.

***

Here I am talking about all my silly gifts while Chelsea is alone in Iowa for Christmas, with no siblings or parents to share the day; no grandmother to put cash in an envelope for her; and no noisy family gatherings with loads of rich food and too much booze.

Why didn’t I realize this would happen? I guess because I didn’t think too much about leaving until the last minute. I just wanted to be with Chelsea and then I was excited about coming home.

I return to the kitchen and grab a glass of ice water. Mum’s loading the dishwasher for another round. “Everything okay? You seem down.”

I catch her up and she feels as bad as I do.

“That poor girl,” Mum says.

“I’m such an ass. She has no one and then I abandon her on the holidays.”

“I’m sure that’s not how she sees it.”

“No. She doesn’t.” I wonder how she’s spent her holidays all the years since her grandfather died.

“I know it’s not much, but I wanted to send some of my homemade jewelry back for her. It’ll be a belated Christmas gift, something to open,” she says.

“That’s lovely, Mum. Thank you.” But it’s not enough and suddenly all that matters is that I get back to her. “Would you be terribly upset if I left early?”

She’s about to object, but then looks at me and stops herself. “This girl means that much to you?”

“She’s everything.” And being away has cemented that.

Mum smiles and kisses my cheek. “Well then, we best call the airline.”

“You’re not mad?” I don’t want to hurt her too, but she smiles knowingly.

“I’ve had you for the past three days, and as much as I’d like to keep you here, your life is in New York. Go follow your heart.”

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