Page 29 of If Ever

My voice on the video breaks, and my eyes well with tears. "So basically, I have abandonment issues and am always trying to please people. I usually end up disappointed and hurt. And now I'm on this show, which I clearly don't belong on, and every week I try to please everyone, the producers, you, the judges, and viewers, and every week I fail."

The clip ends.

Oh, God, what was I thinking to reveal all that?

"Are you okay?" Dominic asks softly.

I swipe away a tear. "Yeah." I turn to Tom who's watching me with a somber expression.

The lights come up, and he begins to play. His tenor voice fills the studio, and between witnessing my video package and the comforting sound of his voice, my earlier fear is washed away. All I feel is the anguish of that day when after losing my mother, my father walked away.

We hit our cue to come in. Dominic whispers moves in my ear but quickly realizes I don't need them. I'm in the moment and the steps come as naturally as breathing. I embrace the pain and sadness of my past.

The first lift is smooth and fluid, as are the rest. Then we reach the transition where Dominic maneuvers me onto the piano for my brief solo. Before I can get nervous, Tom's voice crescendos and fills the room with the angst and torment I feel, sending me deeper into my painful past.

I lose myself in the moves and at the exact perfect moment, I throw myself off the piano and into Dominic's waiting arms for a double spin around before he releases me into two pirouettes and then I drop to the floor. The number ends with him walking away, leaving me alone, devastated, under a single spotlight.

The audience roars their approval as I take a moment there on the ballroom floor to pull myself together. Slowly I stand and fight back my emotions while trying to catch my breath. Dominic applauds me before leading us in a quick bow. We turn and gesture to Tom. He receives his own burst of applause. For an instant, his eyes meet mine, and I'm struck by the connection as if he truly understands my pain.

Then Dominic puts his arm around me, giving my shoulder a supportive squeeze as he leads me to the judges. I'm a mess. The dance opened up an old wound.

Nikki LaFlash cries at the beauty and vulnerability. Stephen applauds my bravery to portray painful emotions so honestly. Brice calls our performance a game changer and that my growth week to week is what this show is all about.

Dominic kisses my temple and keeps his arm around me, which is good because I'm barely conscious of what's going on around me. After the comments, he leads us to the skybox for the scoring, and murmurs support in my ear as I shake off my emotional fog.

Julie Mason gives a shout out to Thomas Evan Oliver for his phenomenal performance. The scores come in. We get tens from every judge.

"I think they got it wrong, you better have them double check," I say.

She laughs along with the rest of the contestants. Dominic swings me around as reality seeps back in. We did it.

The rest of the show flies by. After the taping we're completing the post show interviews, and for the first time we have a long line of media. When it's over, Tom finds us.

"Congratulations." He wraps me in a hug and I like how his arms feel holding me and notice how good he smells. "After seeing you so nervous, I wasn't sure you could pull off that performance, but you were brilliant. Absolutely brilliant."

"Thanks." I smile. "We couldn't have done it without you." We pose for pictures, some with all three of us and a couple where Dominic steps out and it’s just me and Tom. Our attention is pulled away by a producer and afterwards I realize Tom has left.

"Dominic, we forgot to invite him to the party. Oh my God, that was so rude. What do we do?" I desperately want him there.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he knows."

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