Page 172 of If Ever

But it's not. It's my truth. "Maybe this break up will be good. You'll realize I'm a pain in the ass and find someone less messed up."

He cups my face with a gloved hand. "I love you, hot mess and all."

I step back. "Maybe I'm like my dad and will always hurt the ones who love me."

"You're nothing like him," He snaps. "You're just hurting and not thinking straight." We reach the apartment. The sky decides to open up and add freezing sleet to the mix. "And when were you planning on going?"

I'm silent for a moment my eyes connect with his and I well up with tears. "Tonight, while you’re at your show."

His mouth drops open and he takes a step back. "That's just grand. Well, guess what? I won't let you."

I sigh and say softly, "You can't stop me."

"Bloody hell, watch me!" He pushes his grocery bag into my arms and while I fumble not to drop it, he pulls off his gloves and digs into my purse.

"What are you doing?"

"Where are your keys?" He demands, searching through the contents.

"Stop. They're not in there."

He keeps looking anyway. "Where are they?" He yells as sleet pelts us both.

I flinch having never seen him like this. He's desperate and pissed. "In my coat pocket, but—

Before I can react, he slides his hand into my pocket and snatches my keys. I'm holding all the groceries, so I can't stop him. He gives me a pointed nod and stalks away from our apartment building.

"Where are you going?" I chase after him.

"You can't leave if you can't get your things." He picks up his pace and I'm forced to follow, the groceries jostling in my arms.

"Tom, Are you out of your mind? Give me back my keys."

"No." He dodges a car when crossing against the walk sign. "I don't know how I let things get to this place again, but I need to fix it for once and for all."

I catch up, my steps sync with his. "Tom. It's not you. Don't you see? It's me. I'm broken."

He stops. "I don't care about that." He continues walking, putting distance between us and the apartment. "Do you know how long I've been searching for you?"

I stare at him, confused and unsure of myself. "But I'm a dysfunctional disaster."

A delivery truck blasts its horn as it turns in front of us. He catches my arm and pulls me to safety as it motors past. I shake my head and we cross at a more steady pace.

"You've just been knocked down a lot. Every time you gain momentum, something happens. I curse all the bad luck and dark bastards that have hurt you, but you're letting your fears drive you into making a terrible decision."

But it doesn't matter. I'm not good for him. "Maybe we just used up all the good stuff and it's time to say goodbye," I say.

He stops in front of a Laundromat and takes me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him. "Answer me one question. And be honest. Do you love me?"

I tear up. "I'll always love you."

He sighs in relief and smiles as if everything will be all right, but it won't. "That doesn't mean we can survive my neurosis. My father broke my family. I don't know how to stay in a healthy relationship. And even though I love you, it will never be enough."

He laughs. "All those flaws of yours, that's what makes you special and real. And no matter how intense I get about work, or obsessive in my habits, you accept me, and support me with a fierceness that makes me feel invincible. Let me be that for you."

Tom's declarations have me wavering. I thought I knew what was right for both of us. And now I don't know what to do.

"I've been a fool to put this off for so long. I was trying to find the perfect moment." In the middle of the bustling sidewalk, with icy sleet coming down, he removes his hat and bends down on one knee. He pulls something from his pocket.

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