Page 120 of If Ever

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The next day I still feel like a loser for not being able to bring her home with me, but she kisses me on her way out the door for a job interview at an investment firm. I’m glad she’s got something to focus on that will bring her back to the city.

I kick my trainers aside, but still can’t find the shoes I’m looking for. Why does this happen every time I have an audition? "Ryan, have you seen my Topsiders?"

"Can't help you, man," Ryan says.

"And where the hell did I put that folder of papers? Dammit."

I rifle through the newspapers and magazines on the coffee table. Ryan's lying on the couch watching Say Yes to the Dress. He pulls the folder off the floor next to the coffee table and hands it to me.

"Thanks. You're a lifesaver."

"Hey, Tom, got a sec." He mutes the telly and sits up.

"Sure, man." I spot my shoes in the corner and slip them on.

He scrubs his hand over his face. "I've decided to head back to Kansas City."

I startle and turn to face him. "What?"

"Yeah. I just heard I didn’t get that ensemble part. It was my last hope, and my uncle’s offered me a job at his fencing company."

"Damn, I'm sorry, mate." Ryan wanted this so bad and he's worked his ass off, but it just hasn't happened for him.

"I'll keep trying for regional theatre, but I've come to terms I'm not going to make it in New York."

I sigh. This sucks hard. "When are you leaving?"

Ryan hangs his head. "Tomorrow. I can catch a ride with a friend headed home for the holidays."

"That's fast." I hate to see him go. I've had to say goodbye to too many friends who left the business.

"Yeah. Might as well just rip the bandage off. Right?" He forces a smile. "Listen, I can't thank you enough for all your help. And I'll pay you back the rent money as soon as I'm back on my feet."

"Forget it."

"No. I'm good for it," he says.

"You'd have done the same for me."

That night at the show there's a new guy in the ensemble, Connor. The poor sod is making his Broadway debut, so of course, he's over eager and throwing off the timing. He keeps missing cues and hitting the wrong marks. At intermission I speak to Wes.

"Can you please do something about Connor? He's so high strung he almost fell into the pit during the last scene, not to mention when we rehearsed the fight scene earlier, he called me Mr. Oliver."

Wes laughs. "Poor kid threw up before curtain. I'll tell him to dial it back."

"Thanks."

Paige joins me. "Trouble with the new kid?"

"Yeah. Newbie nerves." We head for the stairs to our dressing rooms.

"Do you remember your first big show?"

"Barely, I was a snot-nosed know it all. You?"

"I was so nervous I didn't eat for two days before. I nearly fainted on stage from low blood sugar." She laughs.

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