Page 5 of Raptor

I inwardly groan. I love my ma, I really do, but she's spent her life putting her work ahead of me. When I was younger, I used to spend the majority of my time at Jess' house because Ma would be working and I wasn't old enough to look after myself. As I got older, I was able to stay home. I could do whatever I wanted. Ma didn't care because she was never around. I doubt she'll even care that I'm pregnant.

"I will tell her, but I want to find out how far along I am and then go from there."

Jess nods. "Let me know if you need me to come to the appointment, and when you speak to your mam."

My heart fills with so much love. God, what did I ever do to deserve a friend like her? She's always at my side no matter what.

"Thank you," I whisper, relieved and grateful that I have one person who will be with me through it all.

"Ma?"I call out as I enter the house.

She's finally home after being gone for two weeks. Seeing her car parked out front has set dread in my stomach. Today is the day I have to tell her that she’s going to be a grandmother. Sometimes I'll see her once every few months, other times she'll be home every weekend. It really depends on her job. She works for a tech company here in Dublin, but they have clients all over the world. Ma deals with them, which is why she's always traveling. It's been hard not having her here, but I get that she's doing everything she can to provide for us.

"In here, love," she calls back. "I have some dinner for us. I hope you're hungry; I've gone a little overboard."

I laugh. She always does, but that means there's plenty of leftovers. I walk into the kitchen and see that she's not wrong. There are bags of takeout food for us. Way too many. "Who’re you feeding Ma, the five thousand?"

She reaches for a dish cloth and throws it at me. "Hush you," she says with a smile as she rounds the kitchen island and pulls me into a hug. "Missed you, love. How have you been?"

I nod. "I'm good," I say and then pull in a ragged breath. "Ma, do you think we could talk for a minute?"

Her brows knit together and she takes my hand. "Of course. Is everything okay?"

I lift my shoulders and shrug. "I don't know. I'm pregnant."

Her lips part into an 'O' shape and she stares at me. There's no anger or disappointment in her eyes, just shock. "And how are you feeling? Any morning sickness?"

I shake my head. "No, none. It's been okay. I didn't even know until last week. I had a scan on Monday. I'm twelve weeks."

It happened when I was in New York. I should have kept track of my period. I should have known something was off about my body. But I didn’t. Instead, I found out at twelve weeks, after I realized it had been months since I last purchased tampons.

Ma's face breaks out into a smile. "Oh, love, that's wonderful news. Are you dealing with it okay?" she questions as she leads me to the stools at the kitchen island. "I know it must have been a huge shock. You could have called me, Mallory. I'm always a call away if you need to talk."

I stare at her, wondering where the hell the woman went that would tell me to only call if there's an emergency. Hell, why is she happy about this? I thought for sure she’d flip out.

"Honey, I'm your ma. I'm always here if you need me."

I can't help the emotion that wells up. Tears spring to my eyes, and I can't hold back. Ugly sobs spill from me. Everything I've bottled up over the past few years pours out of me as I cry. Ma's arms wrap around me and she holds me tight, promising me that everything is going to be okay.

"I thought you abandoned me," I cry between sobs. "That you didn't want to speak to me unless you were home."

I feel her kiss my head as she rocks me in her arms. "Oh, my girl," she whispers. "No, no. God no. You are the most important person in my life. I have worked my ass off to give us the best life possible. Being a single mam isn't easy, love, and I hate that you feel that I abandoned you. It wasn't my intention. I love you, Mallory. God, I love you with every piece of my soul. Never doubt that. I'm so sorry."

Together, we both sob. My life has been lonely. I've always felt alone, other than when I was with my friends. I thought she didn't want me, that she didn't care about me. I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong. I just wish she had told me this years ago. Maybe our relationship would have been better.

"I promise you, love, I'll do better. I'll do so much better," she swears as she holds me tight.

I sink into her embrace. Unsure if I can trust her words, but I’m going to, she’s all that I have and I need her right now.

"Come on, Mal," she says softly. "Let's go eat and we can talk."

I help her dish out the dinner and then we move to the sitting room, where I take a seat on the sofa. Ma sits opposite me, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

"I'm so sorry," she begins. "Honestly, Mal, had I known what you were thinking and feeling, I wouldn’t have gone away so often. You've always been an independent girl, wanting to take on the world."

I scoff. "I had to, Ma. You were gone from the age of five onwards. I had no choice but to take on the world alone."

She nods. "I guess I was naive in thinking everything would work out, that the money I was making was more than enough for us to be happy."

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