Then I switched to the message thread with Marci. OMG, he just said yes it’s a date. I sent a message meant for you to him.
Dying, yay.
The next afternoon, Marci sat on my bed with Leo while I paraded around in another outfit.
I put together a basic black, understated outfit. I was trying to look somewhat classy and not like somebody who was tired and worn out.
“You can’t wear that,” Marci said.
“Why not? It’s a classic, basic black.”
“Oh, sweetie, black makes you look washed out and really brings out the bags under your eyes. It makes you look tired.”
“I am tired,” I confessed.
“You should take a nap,” Leo said from where he played in the middle of the bed among all the discarded clothes I had already pulled out of my closet. He was right, I needed a nap. But I had needed a nap for the past six years. I didn’t have any time to catch up on sleep now.
Marci started going through the pile on my bed. She held up a blouse I hadn’t even bothered to try on. “How about this yellow blouse and a pair of jeans?”
“I can’t wear that on a date,” I said.
“What’s the date?” Leo asked.
My insides clenched. I didn’t want him to know about Kyle. And it wasn’t as if I had gone on any dates since the last time I had been with him.
“A date is a number on a calendar,” Marci said.
Leo seemed to accept that as an answer.
“Kids are so easy at this age.” She giggled.
“The yellow is nice, but isn’t that too summery?”
“Just because it’s fall doesn’t mean you can’t wear something bright and like sunshine.” She held it up against my chest. “You look rested with this color.”
She pulled the blouse away, leaving me in the black one. She did this a few times. “You can keep the skirt, just go put this one on.”
I finished getting dressed in the bathroom.
“Don’t forget to curl your hair!” she called out through the bathroom door.
I took the time to flat iron and curl my hair, something I hadn’t done for years. By the time I stepped out of the bathroom, I felt like I looked pretty.
“What do you think?” I twirled back and forth in the middle of the living room.
“Mommy, you look like a girl,” Leo said. The way he said it made me think that maybe he didn’t think girls were a good thing.
“I am a girl,” I said. “So I guess it’s a good thing I look like one.”
Marci scrambled off the couch and grabbed her purse. “Wait, I have something for you.”
She pulled a blue box from her purse and slid it into my bag.
I closed my eyes and tried not to blush as she slipped me the condoms.
“Have fun, stay out late!” She pushed me out the door.
I was so nervous, I thought I might be sick. But all of my nerves evaporated when I arrived at the restaurant. Kyle was waiting for me, and when he saw me, his entire expression changed. I forgot everything I had been stressing over and felt a sense of belonging.