Page 17 of Redeeming

“I can’t, Cait. I made a promise,” I might as well plead with her not to ask me again. Dad doesn’t want word getting out. Not yet. He wants to keep this private for as long as he can while he works out a plan with the owner of the team, Killian’s mom, Scarlet Kingston-St. James.

She closes her eyes and drags perfectly white teeth over her pouty pink lip as her hair dances over her shoulders with a shake of her head. When she opens them, there’s a fire there that was missing before. It’s burning hot and beautifully pissed. Rightfully so. “I’m so fucking sorry, Cait.”

“For what, Callen?” she whispers, and somehow that’s worse than if she were yelling, because this woman is never quiet. It’s not her natural state. Caitlin is loud without ever uttering a word. She’s vibrant and demands all the attention in every room she’s ever walked in, just by standing silently in the center. It’s as natural as breathing for her. The rest of us are just lucky to orbit around her, but I can’t get too close. My friendship with her brother would never survive the fire.

“For what I said. I shouldn’t have?—”

She climbs off the bed and whacks me with a pillow. “Fuck you, Callen. Fuck you for saying I’m beautiful, then acting like you were wrong to say it.” The moon glints off her wild eyes as she hits me again. “Fuck you for asking me to stay with you because you didn’t want to be alone.” Her voice never gets louder. That’s Caitlin’s style. She doesn’t need to yell to get her point across. She smacks me one more time—while I sit here and take it because she’s right—before she drops the pillow and steps back. “Fuck you, Callen. You made me feel like shit this morning for what I said, then you turned around and made me feel likeevery other unimportant woman in your life and in your bed. But you know what? At least they get an orgasm out of it.”

She groans and grabs her Kindle.

“Figure your shit out, Callen, because one of these days—” She stops and stares at me with so much disappointment in her eyes that it weighs me down. But not her. No. She stands with her head held high, every inch of her the princess she was raised to be. “Do you feel anything at all for me, Callen? Anything?”

“Caitlin—” Fuck. Yes. I feel it all. I always fucking have... That’s what I want to say. But I don’t, feeling like an utter piece of shit who doesn’t even deserve her anyway.

“How the hell am I supposed to answer that?” I stand up and take a step toward her, my frustration over this entire fucking day boiling over. “What do you want to hear, Cait?”

We do a dance. For every step I take forward, she takes one back. “You want to hear that I got the worst news of my life today, and I can’t even talk to you about it because I made a goddamned promise, and I’m a man of my word?”

Another step forward and another one back.

“You want to know that I promised my best friend years ago that I wouldn’t touch his baby sister? Because I did, Cait. I made him a fucking promise. My best friend. Your brother. The one person whose always been there for me. Through all the fucking shit. The Heisman shit in college. The pro shit show after. Christ, Cait. I practically lived at your goddamned house.” I can’t stop the way my voice booms louder with each new revelation until she’s backed up against the wall.

My chest vibrates with anger.

At her.

At Maddox.

At myself.

Fuck—I can’t.

“But . . .” Her voice trembles with hesitation.

“No buts, Cait.” I cup her face, even though I know I shouldn’t. Her soft skin feels fucking perfect in my hands. “Four fucking years, Caitlin. I’ve lived with you for four fucking years. I’ve had to act like your presence doesn’t affect me. Like you’re not the most gorgeous woman in any room. Like I don’t fucking want you when I do. I can’t fucking do this anymore.”

I lean my forehead against hers.

“Then don’t,” she whispers back.

If only it were that easy.

“It’s not that simple.” No matter how much I wish it was, and fuck, I wish it was.

She reaches up with one hand and wraps it around my neck, anchoring herself to me as unshed tears pool in her glittering eyes. “Nothing worth having is ever easy. I’ve heard you say that a million times, Callen. I’m worth having.”

Caitlin presses her lips to mine, and before I can react, she ducks under my arms and opens the door. “Figure it out soon, Callen, because I’m not going to wait around forever.”

CAITLIN

Orgasms are like baking. Icando it myself, but I’d much rather have someone do it for me.

—Caitlin’s Secret Thoughts

“Knock, knock.”

Everly looks up from her sketch pad and puts down her colored pencil as I walk into her office, coffee in hand. “Bless you.” She smiles and pops her grabby hands into the air and takes the raspberry-mocha-caffeinated goodness from my hands. “I swear your mother is a goddess.”

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