Page 90 of Broken Bonds

“I love you, Ry.” Throat raw, my voice came out gruff, but I knew he heard me.

“I love you, too, Cece.” He ran his hand over my blonde hair. “Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll deal with Mom and Dad.” He pulled back and lifted me to tuck me into the sheets in the dark room.

“Why the military?” I asked softly.

He audibly swallowed. “I want to fight for a cause and save someone.”

I frowned at him. “You’ve saved me my whole life.” Even in the darkness, I could see the sadness and pain in his eyes.

“I haven’t.” His voice was rough. “I let you get hurt twice because I wasn’t there. This is the only way I can redeem myself. I can’t live with the fact that I’m the reason you’re so broken. I can’t see you barely present during the day because you are reliving the nightmares I didn’t prevent.”

“Ryan, it wasn’t your fault—either time.” He tucked me into my bed and sat on the edge, looking down at his hands.

“I should’ve stopped you from getting on that bike when he was so angry, and it was raining. I should have kept a better eye on you—not just let you leave,” He admitted for the first time. I had no idea he felt so guilty.

“I knew better,” I quietly told him. “I was just so eager to please him, Ryan. It had nothing to do with you. I made that choice. Every bad choice has consequences. I’m lucky I survived.”

Ryan shook his head. “You were only a kid, Celine. I knew Aidan was bad news. I’m your older brother, and my job is to protect you. Mom and Dad told me that when you started school with me, the first time you were bullied during recess. My job is to protect you.”

I couldn’t believe my parents had put that amount of responsibility on my brother when he was seven. Now it made sense why he was always hovering, always within arm’s reach if I needed him. But I wasn’t his responsibility. I never should have been.

“You couldn’t have protected me from Aidan. I would have snuck around with him behind your back.” I saw a hint of a smile, and then, it was gone.

“I’m so sorry, Celine.”

“For what?” Sitting up in the bed, I looked into his eyes in the darkness of the room, moonlight steaming in from the open windows, illuminating his pained expression.

“I should’ve gone to the beach house that day. You would have never connected with Ace, and your legs would be okay.”

Pain sliced through my chest at the reminder of Ace. Reaching for Ryan’s hand, I grabbed it with both of mine. “Isn’t he your best friend?”

He nodded but then shrugged, like he wasn’t sure anymore.

“I would have fallen for him regardless,” I told him quietly. “Ace and I… We’re like magnets, Ryan. He protected me the best he could. If he hadn’t been there, I would’ve died. Ryan, he saved my life, you hear me?” I paused, taking in his furrowed brows. “Don’t be angry with him for leaving. Don’t blame yourself. I’m okay now. Dr. Alex said my hamstrings could have torn at any given moment due to the extensive damage.”

Ryan drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry for failing you, Celine. Pushing him away will be one of my biggest regrets.” He dropped his head into his hands. I stared at him in disbelief.

Pushing him away will be one of my biggest regrets.

“What did just you say?” I blurted.

Looking up at me from his hands, guilt and pain filled his eyes. “I told him to leave, Celine. I told him he wasn’t good enough for you and to get away from you. I’m the reason he left—not you.”

I glared at him, my fingers curling into fists. “Ryan, what thehell?”

My brother flinched. “I didn’t want him to be like Aidan. I didn’t want to watch you fall apart, but you did anyway, and it’s all my fault.”

I wanted to punch him. “How could you tell him to leave when I was having surgery?!” I shouted.

“I was protecting you!” He slid both hands into his hair and tugged at the short ends.

“Make him come back!” I barked.

Ryan winced. “He’s not answering my calls.”

Tears flooded my eyes. “Ryan, why?” Why had he done this to me? Why couldn’t he just trust me to make my own decisions?

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

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