Page 4 of Broken Bonds

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed one last time before putting my phone away when I saw a girl from my graduating class had posted a picture, where she was standing next to my ex. Today was the two-year anniversary...How had I forgotten?

My heart instantly plummeted, and I exited out of the app with shaking fingers. Every time I thought I was over him, that I might finally be able to move on, I was reminded of how badly he broke me.

Would I ever properly heal from the gaping hole he left inside me?

Setting a seven A.M. alarm, I plugged my phone in and turned off the light, bathing the room in darkness. My eyes closed as my head hit the pillow, though I already knew sleep would be near impossible.

Aidan came over every Friday night so we could watch movies and eat popcorn while we waited for Emily to join us. Every Friday night, the three of us had a sleepover, though no sleeping was actually involved. The three of us would spend the night watching even more movies and laughing until the early morning, when we would all finally fall asleep.

Today was different, though. Emily was sick and couldn’t come, so it was just Aidan and me. He came home with me from school, walked into my house like it was his own, and said, “Hello” to my mom like she was his own. Mom had taken the time to make our favorite chocolate chip cookies, and we each devoured four before she kicked us out of the kitchenwith a laugh, teasingly telling us we had bottomless pits for stomachs.

I headed to my room to change out of my school clothes while he stayed downstairs and used the guest room.By the time I got to the movie room, Aidan was already lounging on the brown reclining couch, flicking through the free movies. “The Harry Potter movies are free again,” he said as I sat next to him, his eyes never leaving the flat screen.

“Wanna marathon it?” I asked, grabbing some of the blanket he had draped over his legs. He started the first movie, giving me his answer.

We didn’t talk during the first movie, and it wasn’t until the second movie that I noticed something was off with him. He didn’t usually sit so close to me, and he certainly had never put his arm around the back of the sofa where my head rested. But I didn’t comment on it, even if my heart was in my throat and I could hardly focus on the movie screen.

Halfway through the second movie, we ordered a pizza to share, and that was when things really seemed strange, especially when he started to pace the room after eating. He never did that.

Something was bothering him.

“Celine, can we talk?” At the use of my name, something he hadn’t done since the day he met me, I paused the movie, giving him my full attention. Aidan had always called me Cece. Something was wrong.

“What’s wrong, A?” He looked unsure, his eyes darting between mine and the floor.

“I care about you,” he said as he took a step in my direction.

“I care about you too, dork!” I didn’t understand why he suddenly appeared so nervous. Aidan wasn’t someone who got nervous. He was so self-assured and positive.

“Not like friends, Celine.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I care about you like a boyfriend cares about his girlfriend.”

Oh.

Mouth open, I couldn’t find any words to speak. Friends never wanted to admit those types of feelings for fear of ruining the relationship they already had together.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just can’t keep beating around the bush anymore. You needed to know.” He was standing in front of me now, and I could make out the worry in his eyes in the little light in the room. Like he was afraid his confession would ruin everything between us.

I still couldn’t find the right words. Couldn’t make my lips move to form any.

“I think I’m going to go home—let you have time to figure out what you want to do.” He headed for the door, bending down to pick up his backpack that rested against the wall. I hated the dejection in his voice—the pain, the worry.

His hand wrapped around the door handle, and he hesitated. “I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship. I just can’t keep lying anymore.” He opened the door and had one foot out when I finally found my voice.

“Don’t go.” He stopped and turned back to face me, blinking in surprise. “You can’t leave like this.”

He closed the door, dropped his bag, and slowly walked back over to the couch, taking a seat but putting a lot of space between us. He had never done that before. I practically always sat on his lap.

And then, it clicked.

We never acted like friends.

Friends didn’t cancel plans with the guys on a Saturday night because I had a fight with my parents. They didn’t take the long way home every time they dropped me off just to spend more time with me. They didn’t wipe away my tears when I was upset, and they certainly didn’t watch romance movies with me.

Unless we had always been more, and I had never noticed. How could I have been so blind?

“We’ve never been friends,” I whispered into the dark room. His sharp intake of air was audible in the otherwise quiet room. I swallowed thickly and looked over at him. “Friends don’t feel the way I do about you.”

He hooked a gentle finger under my chin, turning my head to look at him, and then, with his two big hands, he cradled my face. I shivered. “Let’s be more. Let’s be everything you dream about.” A small, hopeful smile tilted his lips. “Let’s be the couples you read about, baby.”

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