Page 20 of Healing Bonds

I hated this shit.

I should have told her years ago, but the thought of betraying my brother-in-law and best friend didn’t sit right with me. I knew a fight was coming the moment she called me. I could hear the betrayal in her voice, and a sick feeling twisted my gut with each passing minute that it took me to get to Ryan and Amber’s apartment.

There was a line of six cars at the entrance to our neighborhood. I spared a glance in her direction while we waited, the lamppost outside the truck illuminating her tear-streaked cheeks. I hated being part of the reason that she cried. All I ever wanted to do was make her happy.

I cleared my throat. “Princess?” She didn’t make a sound. With four more cars still in front of us, I leaned over and grabbed her hand. She didn’t flinch or pull away that time, but her cold hand was limp in mine. “I’m so sorry,” I apologized, meaning it from the depths of my soul. I’d been put in a damn hard place. I knew I shouldn’t have kept anything from Celine, but I couldn’t betray Ryan, not with something as huge as what he’d trusted me with.

I glared at the remaining two cars, struggling with the silence and my own betrayal of my wife. The minutes passed by slowly, until eventually, I parked in our driveway, turned the ignition off, and sank into my seat with a sigh, leaning my head back against the headrest as I closed my eyes.

Celine was quick to pull her hand from my tight grasp and reach for the door handle, but I quickly locked the doors and turned to her. I wasn’t letting her away from me until we sorted our shit out.

“Let me out, Ace.” Her voice was soft, barely a whisper that reached my ears.

“Talk to me, baby.” I reached for her over the center console, grabbing her wet cheeks in my palms and brushing away the remaining tears. Her eyes were big pools of blue, swimming in tears as she glared at me.

“I don’t know what to say to you!” Her voice was hoarse as she screamed at me, the sound bouncing off the cab walls, slightly hurting my ears.

“How can I fix this?” Fear twisted in the pit of my stomach, and my heart clenched at her look of defeat. I couldn’t lose her,and if I did, I didn’t care how much it would hurt Ryan, but I would hate him for putting me in this position for the rest of my fucking life.

“You can’t. You lied to me for years, for the entirety of our marriage, Ace! How am I supposed to know you haven’t been lying to me about other things? How am I supposed to trust you when you’ve been keeping a huge fucking secret about my brother forsix years?” Her chest rose and fell quickly, and her wild eyes remained fixed on me. Anger and betrayal consumed her whole being.

In a flash, she hit the unlock button and threw the door open, bolting for the front door before I could stop her. I was quick to follow though, locking the car with a high-pitch beep, and I chased after her. She was searching through her giant purse, cursing every time she lost her grasp on the house key.

“Let me?—”

“No, Asshole, I’ll do it myself!” she insisted, finally pulling her keys from her giant ass purse. It had been a long time since she called me Asshole. The nickname brought up old emotions, and I briefly wondered if she felt them, too. From the red tinging her cheeks, I could only assume that she hadn’t and that anger was still raging throughout her tiny body.

She tried to shove me out of her way with her shoulder, eyes set on the door, but I didn’t let her through. Grabbing her shoulders, I held her in place. The defiant woman turned her head so that I couldn’t see into her eyes. “Let me go, Ace.”

“Not until we fix this, princess.” Her head whipped in my direction, and her body went slack in my hands. She had always been powerless against that name.

The fight left her body as she studied me, and her beautiful, blue eyes that were filled with so much pain swept over my face. Her body shuddered with a sob before she leaned her head against my chest and cried. Loud, agonizing moans of pain lefther body, tearing my soul in two at the knowledge that I did this to her. I caused her this much pain.

“H-h-how could you?” Her tears soaked through my shirt as her body quaked. I tightened my arms around her, burying my face in her hair, breathing in the scent that was purely her as I squeezed my eyes shut. “We’ve been married for five years, Asshole,” she wailed, clenching my shirt in her small fists. “Five years, Ace,” she whispered so softly, I had to strain my ears to hear her.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” She shook her head against my chest, then pulled away from me. My hands immediately moved to her hips and held her to me so she couldn’t run away.

She lifted a trembling hand to swipe at her red, blotchy face, her angry eyes fixed on me. “Sorry isn’t good enough.”

“What do you want me to do?” I was desperate. Her body was vibrating under my hands. I feared if I let go of her hips, she’d sink to the ground. Big tears rolled down her cheeks as she fought to suck in a breath, her hands wiping at her face every few seconds. She sniffled as her eyes pierced me, and I fought the panic rising in my chest. “How can I fix this?” I begged her.

“I want to hurt you. I want to make you feel this crushing pain in my chest—this,” she paused, and her eyes glazed over as she continued, “betrayal.”

“Hit me. Make me feel it,” I begged her. I’d endure anything if it meant she didn’t hurt anymore. “Get all of your anger out, baby.” Her hands were still clenching my shirt, and they shook at my words. I slowly released my grip on her hips and took a step back, opening my arms and my body to her assault. She let go of my shirt and raised her fist, but then, she dropped it, opening her mouth and closing it a few times before shaking her head.

“I can’t hit you, Ace.” Dropping to my knees in front of her, I grabbed her legs.

“Make me feel your pain, baby.” I was pleading, desperate to fix this shit between us.

“I c-can’t,” she cried, her dainty hands covering her face as she shook her head, her body shaking so hard.

“Why not?”

“Because I fucking love you too much,” she whimpered, falling into me, her arms wrapping around my neck, her face burying into my shoulder. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” she cried.

“It wasn’t my secret to share. Ryan trusted me to keep it.” I ran my hand over her head, fingers tangling in her silky, blonde hair, trying my damnest to soothe her.

We sat there on our white, wooden porch for a long time. I watched our neighbor walk past with his dog, shooting us a puzzled look twice. Celine finally moved and looked at me with black-rimmed, swollen, bloodshot eyes.

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