Page 3 of Healing Bonds

All of us have sacrificed so much by coming here—not only our bodies and mental health but our families, and fuck, our women, too. I wish I hadn’t signed another contract. I’m so damn sorry for putting you through this for so many years. You deserve so much better.

When I get home, I’m going to officially make you mine. I’m putting a goddamn ring on your finger, and then, I’m going to give you the family that you’ve been dreaming about. I’m going to get you out of that tiny ass apartment and into a real home—the home you’ve been dreaming of and waiting for.

Your last letter arrived on a day when I had started questioning my sanity, and like always, you saved me with your kind words. But you, my sweet girl, are wrong—you are still the same spitfire that I fell in love with. You do a better job of controlling your temper these days,but otherwise, you haven’t changed. You’ve just grown and matured, and I still love you as much as I did when we first confessed our feelings for each other.

The world outside of our quarters is forever changing, and I feel myself changing every day with it. I fear you may not like the man who returns, that you may not love me anymore. I’ve seen too much the last few years, watched my friends—men who have become like brothers to me—die right before my eyes, and the corruption over here is out of this world. Most days, I don’t even know who to trust.

I know spending every holiday and anniversary apart has been difficult. This is the last time I’m going to be apart from you—I promise. I’m never leaving you again once I get home.

I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you, baby. Like you have kept your secrets, I have mine. I was terrified when we first started dating. You’re the first girl I have ever loved, and I don’t want to ever hurt you.

You’re so strong and resilient in times when I feel weak. I can’t bear the thought of feeling so helpless, and that is why I kept enlisting. Being here has only taught me one thing, though, and that is that I can’t stand to be apart from you.

Amber, my special girl, you are beautiful and smart, and your laugh is contagious. It makes me smile even when I miss the joke. Your eyes are my favorite shade of green. Before you, I never thought I would love green, but you, my sweet girl, have changed me.

Your heart is pure gold, and in moments where I didn’t think we would make it, you showed me that our love is stronger than the war in my mind. I’ve never met anyone like you—someone who makes my blood boil but soothes me in moments where rage is the only emotion that I feel. You make me happy, and I want to come home to you more than anything else in this entire world. I’m beyond ready to begin our lives together.

You shared another piece of your soul with me in your last letter, and even though it started dark, making me believe that I had truly broken you, you showed me just how strong you actually are, and it makes me so damn proud of you. I love you so damn much.

I remember the first moment I saw you, full of rage and fire, ready to take Ace and me out because we wouldn’t let you near Celine. You looked like a little pixie with flaming red hair, spitting foul words and throwing punches at men double your size.

You reminded me of my sister before her heart was broken, and in that second, I knew I had to know you. You stormed into the house, and it was like there waslight shining through the darkness. You were the sun, rays of excitement and happiness shooting off of you, your green eyes bright and your pink lips curved into that devilish, little smirk.

Every time you smiled at me after that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss you. I just wanted to hear you say my name, to be the guy you spoke to Celine about at night when your worry for her was plaguing your mind. The walls were pretty thin in that house, and I heard all your conversations with her at night.

I made an excuse to have you in my room every night because I wanted time with you, to see you when you weren’t trying to look pretty because you’re always beautiful. There’s something special about a woman who can look beautiful during the day and absolutely stunning at night, with those red locks of hair piled up on your head in a messy bun and a pair of pajamas that most nights left your long legs bare. You teased me at night with those creamy, freckled legs, always begging for my touch. I saw the look in your eyes every time my gaze strayed. You wanted me as much as I wanted you.

You tried to convince me in your letter that you loved me before you kissed me. I wish I had kissed you first instead of going in for that hug. I wish I had held your face in my calloused hands, felt your smoothcheeks under my thumbs, and kissed those perfect, pink lips.

Fuck, I want to kiss you now.

At night before bed, when I close my eyes, I remember our last night together. I didn’t want to go to sleep, afraid that our time was dwindling too quickly.

In the middle of April, before I left for basic training, you were wearing Christmas pajamas, your red hair twisted into a braid down your back, your face free of makeup. I had taken to counting your freckles before bed. Finding any excuse to touch you… that night I counted one hundred twenty-seven of them on your face.

God, I love your freckles.

If I focus on your face hard enough in my mind, I almost feel like I’m back there, my fingers grazing your features, your eyes closed, long lashes brushing your cheek bones. You were afraid to close your eyes, so we stayed up the whole night talking, planning our future together—two kids, a boy and girl, a big house near the ocean with a blue picket fence around it, the same color as the sea on a clear day. We would have a dog that we would fight over at night to sit with on the couch. Christmases would be spent sitting next to a big tree in matching pajamas with your favorite songs playing and Celine and Ace with us.

We’re so close to starting our future, and soon, we’ll have a family of our own. Our mornings will be spent talking in hushed whispers over cups of coffee as the children sleep, and our nights will be spent in the kitchen as we cook and help our little ones with homework.

In thirty days, our future will begin. Please wait for me. I love you forever and always.

Yours only,

Ryan

Chapter One

AMBER

No one knows what real love is until they’ve waited out numerous long, sleepless nights for months, an entire year of worrying about their man’s safety. They don’t know what real love is until all they’ve waited for and dreamed about is that first kiss after so long apart, and they’ve replayed every voicemail over and fucking over because they miss his voice so damn much.

No one knows what love is until they’ve waited by the window for the mailman to see if he finally wrote them a letter, and when they receive that letter, they experience that knee-buckling relief that consumes their entire soul because they now know that a week ago, he was still alive.

Alive.

With bated breath, I waited for him, hair freshly cut and styled, nails painted, legs shaved, and a new dress hugging my soft curves. As I stood in the terminal he was due to arrive at, my heart in my hand, I scanned the crowd for him. Any minute now, he would pop up. His flight had already landed.

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