Page 138 of Tell Me It’s Right

I lean back. Cross my arms. Uncross them. Lean forward.

“Well fuck,” I breathe.

That’s the opposite of an easy fix. That’s every plan I’ve ever had for myself, every possible version of my future I’ve pictured gone up in smoke.

But it’s also the first time I’ve felt like I could breathe in over a month.

Because I could do it. I know immediately that I can. That I’d like it.

But no more fixed salary, job security, health insurance—my head starts to pound as each new consequence clicks into place.

Liam smirks as I refocus on his face. “Welcome to my world.”

But even with how much that makes sense…

“I can’t quit,” I murmur. “I can’t come back here and move in with Leo or my parents again. I can’t feel like I’m starting from scratch. I need to feel like I’ve—I don’t know. Like I’ve progressed? Like I can support myself now? I just don’t want to jump the gun, you know?”

Maybe if I’d saved what I made from the shop this summer things would be different. It would be enough to coast along for a few months, at least. But nearly all of it went toward paying off my student loans. And who knows how long getting a new business off the ground and consistently bringing in enough income could take me?

“You know the shop’s doors are always open. You want your job back, you just say the word. Or I could be your first client, if you want to look at it that way.”

“I appreciate that. But I…” I trail off, not sure how to put it into words. I need to feel like I did this myself. And depending financially on a boyfriend, no matter how qualified Liam sees me as, it just wouldn’t feel good. And if I leave Bezzels now, no matter the circumstances, it’ll feel like giving up. The job itself might be a bad fit, but the city…I really don’t feel like I’ve given it a fair chance yet. I settle on: “I need to see this through.”

He rolls his lips together and nods slowly. “So you’re not coming home.”

“Not yet.” I take his hands in mine and squeeze. “Thank you for talking this through with me. It’s given me a lot to think about.”

His eyes search mine. “And us?”

As much as I want to pretend otherwise, my mom was right. I’ve been leaning on the idea of a relationship being the one thing that would make me happy for so long. And itdoesmake me happy. Liam makes me so unbelievably happy. But I need to find a way to feel that on my own too.

“I don’t want to break up, but I think I need some time to figure out how to stand on my own two feet. I want towantto be with you. Notneedto be.”

He takes a deep breath, that unreadable look still on his face. “So you want to take a break?”

I chew on my lip, hoping he can see in my eyes how sorry I am, how much I know I’m not being fair to him. It feels cruel, even, knowing what happened with him and Hailey.

“I’m sorry to even ask. I know it’s unfair, and I can’t expect you to just wait for me?—”

He pulls me into his chest and kisses the top of my head. “How long?”

“You mean…you’d…”

“Of course I’m going to fucking do it, Gracie. I don’t like it. I don’t want to be apart from you. But I understand what you’re saying. If this is what you need, of course I’m going to give it to you. I’d give you anything you asked for. So how long?”

My lower lip wobbles, and I suck in a shaky breath. “A few months, I think.”

He runs his hand up and down my back. “So what does this mean? No contact at all?”

I want to say no, that checking in with each other here and there would be fine, but I know myself too well. If there’s even a chance I’ll hear from him, some part of me will be waiting for it, hoping for it, lunging for my phone at every notification, devastated when it isn’t him. It’ll feel like a holding pattern—and how is that any different than the way things are now? I’m not capable of going back to being friends or whatever we were before. I wish I was, but I’m not.

“I think that would be best,” I whisper.

He doesn’t say anything for what feels like a long time. Maybe he knows once this conversation is over, I’m going to leave, and he’s not any more ready to let go of me than I am of him.

Finally, he says, “I’m guessing you’ll be home for Thanksgiving? So we’ll talk then?”

Nearly three months from now.

---