Page 73 of Never You

I feel like a cat thinking she’s a dog while I lie next to Jensen in bed later that night, looking up to the ceiling. Like I want to be something I’m not.

I can’t sleep, because my mind keeps wandering off to Jensen’s lips on mine and how I want more. How I felt when we melted together as one.

Every time his lips now find mine, it’s pressing, demanding, yet delicate and affectionate at the same time. Like he calculates every move with a determination to get me completely undone and into a useless puddle in his hands. I’ve been wanting to kiss him ever since he dropped his infuriating ass into my car, but nothing prepared me for the actual experience. It’s scorching, inthe best fucking way, and I can’t seem to think about anything else.

After the third round, the fatigue hit us both, and I turned on my side, my back facing Jensen, reminiscing about our night before my mind completely took over in a fucking girly way. All of a sudden, I’m freaking out, wondering if this is a one time thing, but mostly if I want it to be.

It’s the middle of the night, and my head is now filled with a list of pros and cons. Coming to the conclusion that we will never work anyway and trying to wrap my mind around the most likely fact that this will indeed be a one time thing.

In two days, we will arrive in North Carolina and this will be nothing more than a distant memory. A perfect closure to our five year stint of bitching and moaning.

But just thinking about it has my heart aching in the same way they did when I lost my parents. I can feel it simmering beneath the depths of my soul, and it’s freaking me the fuck out.

He rolls over, pressing his chest against my back while tugging his arm under my body to pull me tighter. His warmth calms me down, and I suck in a deep breath, before his deep exhale tickles my ear, telling me he’s awake.

“Don’t think so much. You’ll crack your skull,” he murmurs against my neck.

“I’m not,” I lie through a whisper.

“You are.Stop. Forget about tomorrow. Forget about what comes next. Let’s just enjoy this moment. Justbewith me.”

My gaze sets on the arm wrapped around my body, as I study the black ink on his skin. “Do your tattoos mean anything?” I wonder while the tips of my fingers softly brush over the lines.

“Hmm, some do, some don’t.” His lips settle deeper into my hair. “I like to get tattooed for every memory I want to remember. But I also get tattoos of things that mean something to me.”

“Like what?”

A soft chuckle buzzes from his chest. “Like the license plate of my dad’s classic Mustang Bodi and I trashed when we were sixteen and driving around upstate New York like we were Nascar drivers,right here.” He points at the small tattoo on his lower arm, tucked between roses, a deck of cards and some tribals. “We both had a concussion and my dad had us being his bitch boys for a week in punishment, but that day is one of my favorites.”

I smile, picturing the both of them with mischief in their eyes. “What about the one on your side? The Egyptian one.”

“That’s Horus. Have you heard of him?” I softly shake my head in answer. “He’s the God of healing and protection. It’s something that spoke to me, even though I’m not fully understanding why.”

“Do you need protection?” My eyebrows knit together a little, as my heart weeps a little as if it can sense the answer that’s about to come with his next breath.

“I don’t,” he pauses, “But sometimes it feels like I do. But you know what I need right now?”

“Hmm,” I smile, settling deeper against his shoulder.

“Sleep. And you in my arms while doing it. You’re mine. Go to sleep, baby.”

I’m about to argue with him, telling him all the lies I came up with to convince him this is nothing more than a night of fun when his lips feel warm on the back of my neck.

It’s lingering long enough to create an uncontrollable flutter in my stomach.

I’m in trouble. Jensen isn’t supposed to make my stomach backflip like a gymnast. He isn’t supposed to spoon me like sleeping with me is the most natural thing in the world. And he sure as fuck isn’t supposed to give me affectionate kisses that have nothing to do with sex.

But mostly—it shouldn’t make me smile like a Cheshire cat. A very content, purring in pleasure, Cheshire cat, and I decide to follow his lead.

Fuck it.

Just for once, I don’t want to listen to my mind as I wallow in his arms, enjoying the comfort of his body heat mixing with mine. Just for once, I want to explore this idea of him and me, just a little while longer.

Because it’s stupid, and definitely something I shouldn’t do, but for once I’m letting my heart take the lead and wonder if I’m falling for Jared JamesfuckingJensen…Would we have a shot?

21

If last night wasn’t a clear reminder I’m in deep shit, this morning definitely is.

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