Page 61 of Never You

Without any hesitation, I delete the message, no fucks given.

It’s postponing the inevitable, but I’m not giving a shit today.

In a few days, Rae will walk out of my life, leaving me with nothing more than a faint memory, and I want to make the best out of it. I want to make memories that will have me smiling when I’m eighty and sitting on my damn porch.

Everything else can fucking wait.

“Yeah. I’m coming,” I respond, tugging my phone back into my jeans.

***

We dropped Bodi at the airport, and a few hours later, we’re well on our way to Memphis while Rae hums along with the radio, her feet on the dash.

Emily keeps calling me, and after the third time, I put my phone on complete silence. I should be pleased that getting herback won’t be a lot of work and that my mom will be happy to hear that her perfect picture isn’t in jeopardy.

But my mind keeps trying to envision my future. Asking myself what life will look like in five, ten, or even twenty years from now. What fate has in store for me. But every time I try to think ahead, think about my future, Emily is not part of it.

To be honest, when I look at my future, I don’t see anything other than all the things that aren’t revolving around me.

My father becoming governor.

My mother planning event after event.

Finn becoming a part of the Supreme Court.

Della going to Yale, like she always wanted.

But when I look at myself? What does the future hold for me?

I’m blank.

Empty.

“Are you close to your siblings?” Rae suddenly asks, turning her head.

A little thrown off, I glance at her. “Why are you asking?”

“I don’t know. I guess because you don’t really get along with your folks. Makes me wonder if you and your siblings get along. Or if you are… well,—”

“Alone.” I finish her sentence.

“Yeah.”

I push out a breath. “We are. We’re really close. They are the only reason I’ve been able to keep up with all that political bullshit. That… and hockey.”

“Did they have a hard time growing up in the public eye? Like you?”

I shake my head. “Finn always wanted to be a lawyer. For him, doing what was expected came naturally. He liked going to events, listening to the grownups’ conversations. Learning the way people acted. I just wanted to play. Climb trees, build huts. One time, I took all the sheets from the house and turned hisroom into one big fort. Finn was studying for some kind of test, and he just warned me, unfazed about the fact that I was turning his room into my personal playfield. When my mother walked in, she freaked. Finn, being the big brother that he is, took the blame, but my mother didn’t buy it for a second. She knew Finn wouldn’t do shit like that.”

“But you would.” Rae chuckles.

“I would.”

I have never been the model child, even though I tried my hardest. I did my best to do whatever my parents wanted me to do. Shake hands, dress up in a tie and suit, but the truth is, my attention was always drawn to the wrong things.

Having a chat with the smoking server at an Easter brunch. Getting stains on my clothes because I followed a dog into the bushes. I wanted to explore. To go on adventures. But living with my parents was predictable and has sucked the life out of me since the day I could walk.

“What about your sister?” Rae shows me a sparkling smile, leaving me speechless for a second as I stare at her, thankful she can’t see my hunger-filled eyes through my sunglasses.

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