Page 14 of Never You

Even though I can feel the tears waiting until they can run down my cheeks, combined with a lump forming in the back of my throat, I do my best to keep it together.

“You know you are going to see me this Friday, right?” I scoff, not knowing how to respond to Johnny being all sentimental.

“Don’t ruin the moment.” He moves back to look me in the eye. “I’m going to say this one last time and never again after that. I’m going to miss having you around all the time, kid. Call me whenever you need me, okay?”

His lips connect with my forehead, and I close my eyes to take in the moment. I’m grateful for him, knowing he will always have my back. He might not be my dad, but he’s definitely the next best thing.

“Thank you for everything, Johnny.”

“Don’t worry about it, kid. I’d do anything for you.”

“True. I’m in your will, right?” I joke.

He laughs, giving me a slight push toward the door. “Get out of here,Rebel. Before I put you back to work.”

“Fine,” I mutter with a smile, then I walk away and throw my weekender on my back with one hand. He walks me to the door at a fast pace, knowing I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.

I’m not good at goodbyes. They always bring me back to the finality of it, and I’ll do everything to avoid that feeling at all costs. I’ve already been through it too many times.

“Don’t forget to call!” he calls out when I walk through the revolving door.

“I won’t!” I yell back.

When I get outside, the sun warms my face, and I put my sunglasses on as I cross the parking lot, heading toward my car. Halfway along the lot, I turn around to look back one last time, taking in the big brick building that got so much of my time and energy for the last five years.

I feel sad and relieved at the same time. Not knowing what to do next is both scary and exciting. But not knowing what I need is even scarier.

And I don’t know what I need.

I don’t even know what I want.

It took me a long time to get to the point of admitting that, always putting up a front of confidence. But the truth is, I don’t know.

I like to believe I once knew, before… But really, I have never known. All I know is that I want and need something that I will never have again. To settle the void in my heart.

I inhale deeply, framing this image in my head before I turn around to get going with an excitement to go back home, ready to take on the next phase of my life.

It will be frustrating, and it will probably be hard. But I’m ready as much as I can be.

The satisfied feeling gets slammed out of my chest when I roughly bump into a wall of muscles.Dropping my bag in shock, a shriek erupts from my lips as I lose my balance while I expect to fall on my ass. My heart jumps when two firm hands grab my upper arms to keep me on my feet, and I look up to apologize as I stare into a pair of familiar blue eyes.

Blue like the shallows of the ocean, the sun making them glint in a way that steals my breath.

Startled, I take him in, captivated by the feeling of his arms while a hint of his fresh and fruity cologne hypnotizes me, until the slight twist of his mouth pulls me back to reality.

“Dear Lord, Jensen, you almost gave me a heart attack,” I snap, feeling busted as fuck. Even though he pisses me off, he also makes my stomach make weird flips every time he peers down at me like that.

“Bad conscience?” He grins as he lets go of my arms, then reaches down and picks up my bag. His tattooed arms are covered in a black hoodie, but just the outline of his shoulders against the fabric reminds me of what he looks like when it’s just a thin piece of fabric, bringing out every inch of chiseled tissue.

“Something like that,” I murmur, tucking it over from him. His eyes lock with mine, his gaze waiting, for what I don’t know,but regardless, my heart starts to pound against my ribcage. I quickly take a step back, knowing I need the distance to keep my head clear when it comes to Jensen.

I’ve learned to stand my ground against him over the years, to raise my chin and call him out on his bullshit, but that doesn’t mean that it was an easy task. The intense look in his eyes combined with his handsome face makes me weak in the knees, while his arrogant mouth fuels my anger more than anyone else on the team.

Well, that was before Sean cheated on me. Now, Jensen is a close second, being a walking mind-fuck if you’d believe how ridiculously my body responds every time our paths cross.

The fact that he pushed me a little more this weekend, in a way that had me looking up at the ceiling for a long time while lying in bed alone, hasn’t made it any easier.

“Well, anyway,” I say, putting my ever-professional smile on my face one final time. “I have to go. Good luck with everything.”

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