Page 132 of Never You

“When are you fucking gonna grow up and do whatever you want, Jensen? You’re twenty-nine, for crying out loud. Act like it!” She pushes me off her, trying to wiggle her way out of the car.

“Stop! Stop, Rae!” I grunt forcefully, holding her back with my arm. “I want to choose you. I do. But right now, I can’t. I have to figure this shit out first. You know I don’t love her. I loveyou, goddammit!” My hand grabs her chin. “I’minlove with you, Rae Stafford.”

I can see her eyes starting to sting with tears, her grief hitting me in torturous waves, but quickly, they are replaced by a sinister glare. “I guess you don’t love meenough.”

I physically take a lot of blows on a daily basis, being a hockey player. I always have a bruise somewhere on my body, but it comes with the territory, and I’m not a petty guy. It takes a lot to catch me off guard.

But right now, I’m feeling sucker punched by someone from my own team. It is as if I’m being beaten down in the last round, taking a right hook to my face before the light turns out. This beautiful blonde successfully knocked me out, and she didn’t even have to touch me to do it.

She roughly slams me to the side, and this time, I let her while my heart squeezes together.

She’s wrong. She couldn’t even be more wrong than she is right now. But I don’t have anything to back my motivation up. I don’t have anything to show for it right now, so I let her.

I turn my head, watching her as she storms off through the front door. Hoping she will give me one more glance of her pretty face, I keep my eyes trained on her. Her moves are energetic, showing that feisty personality I’ve fallen in love with so quickly, and when she doesn’t turn around, my heart cracks one last time.

41

Ithought losing my parents destroyed my heart completely. I was wrong because whatever was left of it, it just exploded in my face.

I storm through the front door and up the stairs at the same time June walks into the hallway.

She quickly notices the distress on my face. “Rae, honey, what’s wrong?”

I stop as my aunt gives me a look of pity. I know it is because it’s the same look everybody gave me when my parents died. A look I hate with every bone in my body.

I don’t want people's pity or for them to think I’m some damaged girl.

But the truth is, I am. I’ve known this from the moment I became an orphan, but in the last week something happened. Jensen gave me a feeling I could be more than that. That I could heal with the right people around me. With him around me.

I guess I was wrong. Hearts can never be glued, or mended. Once they are broken, there is no fixing them.

“He’s gone,” I answer, the words leaving my tongue with disdain. “Going back to his family.”

June shakes her head. “I don’t understand. It’s so clear he’s in love with you.”

“He clearly isn’t.” Tears prick in my eyes as a lump forms in the back of my throat.

“No, that can’t be, Rae. I’m sure. We all are,” she huffs, incredulous.

I stare at her, feeling numb.

I have nothing to say, nothing to argue. I don’t have any words left, but three.

“You are wrong,” I announce with a glare, then take the last steps to disappear into my room.

42

People pass by me with happy faces. People going on vacation or off to see the ones they love. Their happiness annoys me, souring my mood even more. For everyone around me, the world moves at a steady pace, but since Rae left me standing in her front yard, my world stopped spinning.

On auto pilot, I called a cab, and in the same numb state, I’m now booking my ticket at the airport. The flight attendant behind the counter tries to flirt with me, but she gets nothing more than a tight smile before I thank her and continue my journey with shoes filled with lead.

The buzzing of my phone interrupts my sulking mood, and I answer it with a deep sigh.

“What?” I bark.

“Wanna tell me why Rae is crying her eyes out right now?” Bodi’s voice rumbles in my ear.

I can hear the disappointment, gutting me a little more.

---