Page 182 of Always You

“Really?” There’s shock in his voice, slightly pissing me off.

“Yes,really.Can’t have that fucker calling TMZ, saying he got punched by Hunter Hansen. Gina will have a fit.”

“But your lawyer will have a blast?” he jokes.

“You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“Oh, come on. You got what you wanted! She broke up with him. What are you still moping about? You got the girl.”

“I didn’tgetthe girl. She stormed off!” I correct.

“So, go get her! Where the fuck are you waiting for?!”

“She didn’t seem like she wanted me around right now.”

“Like that ever stopped you,” he says flatly.

I groan in frustration, biting my lip.

“I don’t even know where she is.”

“For fuck’s sake, Hunter. I’m sure you’ll know where to find her.” He stays quiet, and I know I’m acting like a scared little boy. Everything I’ve done the last year was for this moment, facing my biggest fears, and winning my girl back. And now that’s finally here—I’m scared as fuck.

“You’re gonna chicken out now? We moved back to this one-horse town to back out now? I saw the way she looked at you last night. The two of you are endgame.”

“Something is holding her back. Like she’s scared to open up to me again.”

“Then convince her otherwise. Show her you’re legit this time. Either way, you should hang up the phone and talk to her instead of me.”

“Right.” I smile.

“Cool. Call me after.” He hangs up the phone as I stare out onto the street, thinking about where she could be. When I start driving in the direction she stormed off in, it only takes me a minute to realize where she went, and I park in front of the cemetery two minutes later. Walking through the gate, I quickly notice her on her knees in front of her mama’s grave, and the sight of it makes goosebumps pepper my skin as I approach her.I’m not giving up now.

71

After hanging up the phone with Julie, I kept walking, trying to process my thoughts, until I found myself walking through the gates of the cemetery. The freshly cut grass seems to calm my nerves a bit as I head to my mother’s grave. I crouch down, reading her name while my fingers brush along the cold stone.

Elizabeth Roux.

There’s a fresh bouquet of pink roses put in the vase in front of the headstone that isn’t mine, and it warms my heart that there are still people visiting my mother’s final resting place.

I let out a deep sigh, wiping away the final tears, looking up at the sky.

“Hey, Mama,” I start, a sad chuckle escaping my lips. “I fucked up. I fucked up big time, and I don’t know what to do.”

My eyes land on the pink roses.

“The last few weeks have been terrifying, realizing I didn’t want whatever I had with Ben, but as much as I love my time with Hunter—it also terrifies me. He can break me, and he almost did before.” I keep quiet, my hands in my lap, silently wishing she’ll give me a sign.

When I left LA almost a year ago, I was broken. There was a part of me that was relieved. I found the strength to tell him how I felt once more, combined with pride that I took the risk of putting my heart on the line. But as I offered him myheart, he didn’t have the courage to grab it, and it felt like it turned into ashes in the palms of my hands. I got back into that cab feeling ten pounds heavier than when I arrived, already adding to the weight I’ve been carrying since the funeral, then I called Julie to tell her what happened. My throat was aching from crying, and I started sobbing again while telling her everything. By the time I came home the next morning, my tears dried up, and I was left with a throbbing headache and a hollow feeling inside. Feeling like I just lost the most important people in the whole world.

In the same month.

I understood, and felt the finality of it all, and it was consuming me with no clue how to keep going. At some point, I got out of bed, started eating again, and did my best to feel alive. It took me a while, but after a few weeks, I got my routine back and found ways to get out of the house. I was able to push the hurt to the back of my mind, because he was on the other side of the country, and I wasn’t confronted with him all the time. Other than the shit in the media that I heavily avoided. I was able to find joy in the memories Mama and I had, while also breaking down by the emptiness she left around the house. It was my own personal hell that I crawled out of until I met Ben.

Suddenly, he gave me a reason to smile again. A reason to do more than just eat and sleep my way through life. I was even able to convince myself that I fell in love with Ben after a few dates.

But Julie is right.

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