Page 140 of Forgive You

But they both keep staring at me like owls, one vigorously pissed about not doing the right thing, the other with confusion about what more is going on.

My instinct is to get up and get out of here like I’m being chased by the devil. But my gut keeps me rooted where I am.

There’s no more hiding, Julie.

You’ve said it yourself, this shit is blowing up. All you can do is hope it will all work out in the end. Something weird swirls around my insides.

“That night Jason and I hooked up, we were at his mother’s house.”Fuck, I’m gonna be sick.“She was away for the weekend, and Jacob was supposed to be at our old apartment. He wasn’t. He taped us.”

I fly off my seat, just in time to dump Charlotte’s fried chicken into the kitchen sink. Hunched over, I gasp for air while hurling up every bit of my lunch. The bile burns the back of my throat, pushing out my leftover tears before they turn into full sobs of sadness.

I’m done.

I’m so fucking done, it’s not even funny.

It hurts. It all fucking hurts, and I just want it to stop. The tension. The sadness. The doubt. The fucking constant pain in my heart when I think about doing to what is right and doing what protects the man I love.

My father’s leather shoes click on the tiles of the kitchen floor. “Are you okay?”

I turn on the faucet, certain there’s nothing left in my stomach, then wash my face.

“He has a video of you and Jason?”

Grabbing a towel from one of the lower cabinets, I fill my lungs before getting rid of the excess water on my skin. My gaze collides with my dad's worry when I lower the towel.

I nod. “If I piss him off, he will send it to all Jason’s clients. His reputation will be ruined, and he will lose everything he’s worked for.”

I chuckle, though there’s no humor. I ended up in some kind of a bad movie.

“I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this alone.” My dad steps into my space, taking a hold of my arms. “You don’tdeserve this, and you’re the purest of angels for sacrificing yourself for the ones you love. But no more, Julie.”

“I love him, Dad,” I croak out. “I can’t fuck up his life like that.”

He drags me against his chest and wraps his arms around me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a hug this deep into my soul because as soon as my body connects with his—I let go.

I tighten my arms around his back, and I unapologetically sob into his clean shirt. His familiar cologne with woodsy notes opens up my heart a little more with each breath I take. Finally, I feel safe. A feeling I haven’t felt in fucking forever. He just holds me like that, patiently waiting until I’m ready to let go.

He lowers himself so he can look me in the eye, and I wipe away the rest of my tears with the back of my hand.

He smiles, tender and loving. “I might be an old man, but I’ve seen how smitten Jason has always been for you. Always loving his brother’s girl. I think he’d give it all up for you in a heartbeat.”

He would.

“What if he blames me?”

My dad’s smile dissolves, his eyebrows gluing together. “What if Jacob hurts another girl and you blame yourself?”

39

The tension is thick, palpable. The silence is loud and annoying. I glance around the table, an automatic glare resting on Jacob. Even the food tastes like shit, and I love my mom’s cooking. The only way this dinner could be any weirder is if we're having it in a funeral home.

“This is delicious, Mama.” Jacob says.Suck-up.

Jordan snorts loud enough to wake the dead.

“Jordan,” my mother scolds.

“I’m sorry, but this is the most awkward dinner I’ve ever attended. Are we gonna talk about the fucking elephant in the room?”

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