Page 138 of Forgive You

I tried to run from this disaster, and it didn’t work. I tried to hide, and it didn’t work. I only have one choice left, and I can’t afford not to make it.

Okay.

I suck in a few shaky breaths, taking my time to gather my nerves. Am I really doing this?

Can I have everything I want if I don’t?

Jason’s bright smile flashes in front of my eyes, the trigger for a tear to break free.

No, I don’t.

If I want any chance of the future I desire, a future with Jason…I have to fight first.

I have to be brave and slay my demons myself.

I fill my lungs one more time, pretending I can inhale my bravery out of the air, then get up and walk back into the room.

The sympathy radiates from both of them, and this time, I embrace it, taking the seat a little less tense.

My dad grabs my hand, and I meet his gaze. “Whatever you think you have to do, you don’t. There’s nothing you did or could ever do to make me stop loving you. I’m sure you made mistakes. So have I. But I will always see the truth of your heart, Julie.”

I can’t hold back my tears, and my shoulders shake. “I’m so sorry, Daddy.”

“It’s okay,” he soothes, rubbing my arm.

The tension in my body becomes a little less with each tear shed until it’s reduced to sniffing. They are both staring at me with blank expressions, though their eyes are filled with silent encouragement.

Okay,here it goes.

“He got a call from a girl and tried to tell me it was a client,” I start, talking around the lump in my throat. “I knew better, and we fought until he stormed out. He came home drunk, and he climbed on top of me while I was asleep. I woke up and told him no.”

My stomach flips for all the wrong reasons, and my eyes fly shut. I still remember it vividly. His dress shirt was open, revealing how his once athletic body was now covered by the result of drinking too much beer. He was heavy, sturdy, and I can still smell the alcohol on his breath when I make myself go back there.

“But he wouldn’t listen.” I sniff, forcing myself to continue. “After a couple of minutes, I just gave up. I let it happen because he was my boyfriend. It was my own fault.”

I’m such a coward.

I should have fought. I should have done something. I should have done more.

Shame washes over me, and I let it, because it actually frees up some space in my ribcage. Funny enough, the humiliation of what happened lingers in the air, but it’s not as heavy as I thought it would be. It doesn’t outweigh the relief that’s settling deep down in my bones.

“No.” The vigor in Kathy’s tone demands my attention, and I wince. “It wasn’t your fault! It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you have. No one should ever touch you without your permission.”

My upset stomach calms when a warm feeling spreads to my torso. All this time, I treated her like the enemy when, really, she’s my ally. I reach out my hand, silently asking for hers, and when her palm falls in mine, I squeeze.

Filled with gratitude, I push out a smile.

She’s right. Maybe I’ve always known she’s right. But maybe it was easier to pretend I was wrong than look in the mirror and look for the strength to fight.

“Thank you.” I swipe away another tear, then let go of her hand.

“I’m going to murder that son of a bitch,” my dad mutters with a set jaw.

Oh, God, my poor dad.

“Dad, no, he’s not worth it.”

“Why wouldn’t you go to the police?” Kathy questions.

---