Page 136 of Forgive You

If you’d asked me two days ago, I would’ve said yes. But now I’m not sure if she just loves the idea of me. Of someone who isn’t Jacob.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I read the screen.Oh, fuck.

“It’s Ma. We’re being summoned for dinner.All of us.” I look at Jordan, then whip around to my best friend. “You wanna come?”

His laugh is humorless, and that’s answer enough, considering what I’m asking.

“And have dinner with your brother? No thanks.”

I slap him on the shoulder, then jump off the bed. “Can’t blame you.”

If I was him, I wouldn’t go either.

Unfortunately, I’m not that lucky.

38

Iwant to kick myself.

Better yet, I want to be able to jump back in time and do things differently.

My eyes feel puffy and dry from crying all afternoon, but my chest hasn’t felt this light in months. There’s a fog stuck in my head, but somehow, I still see clearer than ever.

I should have told Charlotte so much sooner.

I’ve been stubborn and blinded by fear of the potential outcome of Jacob’s threats, so much that I didn’t even consider confiding in anyone. To nottrustthat someone could actually help me with this.

Trust.

Isn’t that the recurring theme in my life? Jacob broke my trust like a damn twig, and it made me lose trust in everything around me.

But it’s not his fault. It’s my own. I let his voice become louder than my own. I let his actions mean more than the ones of my friends and family around me. I allowed that to happen.

I’m the only one to blame.

It’s four in the afternoon when I slug back through my parental home with the deepest desire to have a nap before dinner.

Charlotte convinced me I need to tell my dad why I quit our business, and share what Jacob is trying to do, and I will. But I need to give my brain a break before I’ll be able to find the right words.

Not expecting anyone at home, I turn right to carry my weight up the stairs, which is a goddamn challenge if you have to ask my heavy legs, before the sound of a chair scraping the hardwood floor stops my movement.

“Julie?” My dad walks into the hall, distress etched deep into his frown.

“Hi, Daddy. What’s wrong?” The trouble in his eyes shakes my heart as the lightness I walked in with is pushed back by a touch of darkness.

“There’s someone here to see you.”

Fuck.

I follow him into the dining room with dread slowing my steps.

Please, don’t let it be Jacob.

Not now. Not here. Not ever.

Please, please, please.

But my eyes widen with confusion when I look at the same girl who’s determined to plant herself in my path. Her brown hair sits at the back of her head in a ponytail, the same washed-out jeans peeking from where they are tucked underneath the big oak table, different hoodie but same pleading expression as all the time before.

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