Page 127 of Forgive You

The fact that she doesn’t trust me, and it just proves to me I can’t trust her. Isn’t that the foundation of a relationship? If we don’t have that, whatdowe have?

“He asked for help with a showing,” she confesses, which just makes me scoff.

If that was true, she wouldn’t have lied about it. There’s something she’s not telling me, but then again, the story of my life, right?

“You’re not a realtor anymore, Julie! In fact, why aren’t you a realtor anymore?”

She shrinks below my eyes, what's left over from my heart shrinking with it. “I needed a change.”

“Bullshit. You loved your job. You would never drop your dad the way you did.”

“You don’t know shit about my dad!” she cries.

Her frown is deep, a mix between anger, frustration, and sadness, but I can’t bring myself to go soft on her now. My anger has grown to be too overwhelming.

Like all those butterflies turned into little devils dying to lash out with their pitchforks.

“I know he’s avoiding talking about you,” I counter cynically. “I know he’s devastated that you moved to LA. I also know you haven’t spoken to him in months!”

Months! The girl, who adored her father more than anything, now won’t talk to him. I glance into the house. She’s staying with her best friend even though she hasn’t seen her folks in months. She’s so full of shit.

“It’s complicated.”

“Then explain it to me!”

“I can’t!” Her tone is laced with regret, but it doesn’t penetrate the wall I just put up. “But I can tell you I’m not with Jacob. I will never ever be with Jacob ever again.”

I stare at her, study her.

Her cheeks are stained with red spots, tears glistening them even more, desperation dripping down with them. I want to believe her, I really do. Because nothing hurts more than lovingsomeone who doesn’t love you back. I shake my head. I’m gonna need more than that.

“Trust me,” she pleads, folding her hands together as if she can read my mind. “If I could tell you more, I would.”

But it’s sentences likethatthat make me realize I’m just not enough for her. She’s asking me to trust her, yet she won’t do the same for me.

That’s not the kind of relationship I want.

I want to build something on love and trust. I want to be on a team with the woman I love. Go through the good and bad, hand in hand. I want to be her protector, and I want her to let me.

With Julie, it will always be a question of where her head is. She will never trust me.

I cast my gaze down, lips in a firm line. “No, you wouldn’t. You’ve been playing me for years. I guess this is no exception.”

I’m done.

I turn to cross the yard, back to my car.

“No! Don’t you dare walk out on me again, Jason. Don’t you pretend I’m the villain.”

The villain?Is she kidding right now?

I’m off the steps before I whip around to face her with a finger pointing at her glare as she carries her bare feet to the edge of the porch.

“I’m only the villain because you’re such a fucking coward!”

She gasps, and her expression hurts enough to suck the air out of my lungs.

“I’m not a coward,” she whispers.

---