Page 100 of Forbidden You

“What is your plan?” Bodi suddenly asks. There is something in his voice that surprises me, but I can’t quite pinpoint it.

I glance up at him, my palm resting on his stomach.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he starts a bit cautiously, “you’ve been here nearly two months. Are you planning to keep working at KPI?”

I straighten my body so I can really look at him, the question giving me an unsettling feeling. I’ve been avoiding these questions in my head, because I don’t want anything to change. I don’t want to look for another apartment, or think about not working at KPI.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“No, no. Definitely not, baby.” He shoots me an apologetic look, trying to calm me down with his hand on the back of my neck. A coy smile slides on his face. “But three months ago, you were a Stanford student with a planned out future.” He pauses. “Until you weren’t. You’re doing a great job, and you can stay as long as you want, but is this really what you want?” His thumb starts to soothe me, massaging the nape of my neck with small strokes.

I want you, isn’t that an option?

I twist my attention forward, his question putting a small cloud over my happy mood. It’s a thought I’ve been throwing to the back of my head for the last few weeks because I don’t want to think about it.

There’s genuine look in his eyes, giving me no option but to just brush it off like it’s nothing. He shows me that he cares and that should give me a push in the right direction, but if anything, it’s confusing me more.

How can I tell him what I want when all I want is him? How can I think about my future when all I see is him and I don’t know if he will be there? Staying at KPI is my lifeline to him. Even though I enjoy it, I dream of being more than a personal assistant, but I also don’t want to stop spending my days with him.

“I don’t know.” It’s only half a lie, because in a way, I don’t really know.

I don’t know what I want because I feel like every single choice comes without Bodi. If that’s the case, I’d rather not choose at all.

His smile is soft as he gently moves my hair to the side before he affectionately strokes the soft skin under my ear with the back of his hand.

“It’s something you should think about, Kayla. You’re too young to settle.”

Even if I settle for you?

That’s what sits on the tip of my tongue. What I wanna ask. But instead, I just nod in agreement, like a child that’s being preached at.

“Just know that I’ll be here if you need me. I will help you with whatever you want.” I stare into his green eyes. They are filled with so much… I want to say love, but I don’t know if I’m imagining it. If that’s what Iwantto see because my feelings are growing. They are expanding in the most inconvenient way, tangling me in their web.

“Thank you. I’ll think about it.”

That’s all I can say. But deep down, I know my mind won’t come up with a narrative that gives me completely what I want. It can give me anything else I want, but it won’t give me Bodi.

Not in the way I keep dreaming about.

Because he and I are not supposed to be anything more than what we are now.

25

I’m nervous as fuck, and I’m never nervous.

I slowly breathe out a heavy lungful of air while the car arrives at the theater.

But the thing that irks me is that I don’t know why I’m nervous. I don’t know why my hands feel damp, and a thousand butterflies jitter through my stomach the closer the car drives me to the venue.

This is not the first charity ball I’ve attended, nor is it the first of my own foundation. But for some reason, I have a feeling this will be a memorable one, and I can’t stop Kayla’s bright face from appearing in my mind.

She instructed me to get to the Event Studio by myself because she still had to sort out some things. It makes sense since she organized the entire event. But I was pouting like a little boy, because I was looking forward to arriving with her on my arm.

I like having her on my arm, period.

When I exit the car, I pull my black tux straight before entering the building.

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