Page 77 of Forbidden You

How does she fucking know?

As much as I definitely feel some discomfort about this situation, her brazen attitude still makes me laugh. “You know you just made it awkward, right?”

“You don’t see me squirming on the couch.” I can’t hide my smile, making me wonder if I can just say nothing and roll with it. See what happens. What if she is mature enough to keep the lines from blurring?

“What are you watching?” I ask, trying to postpone the reason I came out of my room, like a damn pussy. I rub the back of my neck.

“You want to discuss what I’m watching?”

“No,” I confess.

“Just spit it out, Bodi.” Her tone isn’t angry or irritated, but I can still hear some disappointment.

“Last night was—”

“Fun? Amazing? Mind-blowing?” she cuts me off with a smug grin.

“Shut up.” I glare with a half-smile.

“What? I thought those gymnasts were amazing! Did you see how agile she was? She could throw her leg way up here.” Her leg moves into the air while she shoots me a seductive wink.

“Kayla,” I growl her name at least once a day, but after last night, even I can hear how it sounds different. Longing, searing, and desperate as fuck.

“Fine.” Her leg drops, and she throws her hands in the air, placating. “Continue.”

“Last night was… great.” I lean down with my elbows on my knees, rubbing my hands together.

“But?” She drags it out, and I twist my head to look into her gorgeous eyes.

If you are about to tell a girl you want nothing more from her than sex, I’d expect to see hurt, contempt, anything that reminds me she’s still young and wants something different than me. But instead, she’s just giving me an encouraging look, as if I’m the only one struggling with this.

“No,but. It’s no secret I want you, and after last night, that didn’t change.” I hold still, sucking in a deep breath.

“But?” she repeats, this time with a little more impatience.

“But I don’t want to date.”

“Ouch.” She grips her heart and even though her face is relaxed, I think there’s a hint of defeat in her light blue irises staring back at me.

“It’s not you, Kayla,” I explain. “I just don’t date.”

“Ever?”

“Ever,” I confirm.

I lean back into the couch, throwing my legs next to her so that we’re completely mirrored, each in our own corner.

Her head tilts with curiosity. “Why not?”

It’s a simple question, but the answer is something I’ve never confessed to anyone. Not even Jensen, and the fucker is my best friend.

But I decided a long time ago that love isn’t for me. After my mother died, I slowly saw how my father lost his mind, because he lost his heart.

I’d rather die with a full conscience than slowly vanish in a body with a mind I can’t control. My mind is everything I have got. It’s what made everything I have possible. My father lost that when he lost my mother and I never want to end like that.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me why you dropped out of Stanford.”

She purses her lips with wide eyes. “No dating. Got it!”

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