“I thought babies make everything worse?” Julie deadpans.
“Jules!” Rae scolds as I chuckle.
“Well, I wouldn’t suggest getting one unless you’re solid,” Charlotte adds with a smile, “but when I look at him, he makes me forget all the pain and sorrows Hunter and I endured before this. It wasn’t fun. God, he drove me mad. But it was worth it. I think the three of you will feel the same one day.”
“Gotta find a man who’s worth my time first,” Julie mutters. A frown slides onto Charlotte’s face but before she can open her mouth, Julie raises her hand. “Don’t you say a word!”
Charlotte snaps her jaw back together, averting her gaze as if she’s sayingnever mind.
“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” I move my gaze back and forth between them while Rae does the same.
“Right,” Julie blurts.
“Hold up.” I lift a finger in the air. “What does that mean, Jules?”
“I don’t know. Things between Jacob and I have always been…”
“Complicated?” Rae chimes in.
“Yeah.”
“There’s nothing complicated about it, Jules. You deserve better,” Charlotte says sharply, though her gaze stays friendly as ever. “And weallknow it.”
“Way to sugar coat it,bestie.”
Charlotte shrugs, running her thumb over her baby’s tiny eyebrow. “I’m getting too old to sugar coat things.”
I stiffly a laugh, loving how she perfectionated her polite, yet don’t give a fuck, attitude. “Do you still love Jacob?”
“I don’t know what I feel,” she snorts. “And until I do… this subject,” she waves her glass around our circle, “is not something I’m willing to discuss. No offense.”
“Can’t blame you.” Considering the situation I’m in, I get it, and I decide to not press her on it even though we all can see she’s not telling us everything.
“Did you hear from him?” Julie asks, cautiously.
Damn, should’ve seen that one coming.
I shake my head.
“He’s ghosting her,” Rae growls. I love her even more for it. “She called him to pay her respects for his father, but he didn’t even bother to pick up the phone and let her. I know he’s hurt, but he’s acting like a straight up asshole. I told him as much when I called him a couple of days ago.”
She did. I could hear her all the way up in my room, and as much as it made me giggle, I also felt sorry for him falling under her wrath.
“It’s okay, Rae.”
“No, it’s not okay.” Rae is getting all worked up again, her anger clearly not simmered down even a little and protective of me. “He doesn’t want a relationship for whatever stupid reason he has found. He’s damaged. Fine. Aren’t we all? But he doesn’t have to ghost you when you’re trying to be his friend after his father died.”
That definitely hit me like a brick in the face when I was already down. I loved his dad. I wanted to go to the funeral and say goodbye. Thought about it for days. But I didn’t want to make that day any harder for Bodi than it already was.
“He must be really hurting.” Charlotte offers me a sympathetic smile. “But it doesn’t give him the right to hurt you like he is. You deserve better than that.”
I know I do. Up until this year I didn’t, but now I do.
Leaving Stanford was the hardest thing I ever did, but it showed me what I was capable of. Working for Bodi wasn’t the most glamorous job in the world, but it was fun. It was challenging, and it made me feel useful. Like I had a purpose. A responsibility. Bodi’s friendship, his affection, it only added to that feeling, showing me how I wasn’t the useless little girl that Trent wanted me to believe I was.
I deserve better than his asshole behavior and somewhere deep down, my heart still believes he cares as much for me as I do for him. Maybe he even loves me. But after two weeks of silence, when all I did was try to be there for him, I realized you can’t force someone to love you. To listen to you. To be your friend.
“How were you able to wait for Hunter as long as you did?” I cock my head at Charlotte. My eyes hurt, but I try to hide the pain through my smile.