Page 144 of Forbidden You

I hold up my hand. “Whatever you’re going to say, save it. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Damn, he really did you a solid, didn’t he?” I turn my head to Julie.

Her deep amber brown eyes are laced with a sympathy that matches her pursed lips, and I can’t stand it.

I don’t want to be the pathetic sad girl. It’s the whole reason I haven’t told anyone the real reason why I left Stanford.

“Something like that,” I mutter, averting my gaze.

“Wanna talk about it?” Julie asks.

“Not really.”

Talking leads to crying, and I can’t handle another tear rolling down my puffy cheeks.

Rae sighs and I fold my lips inward, stubbornly keeping my attention fixed on the grass. The green is lit up by the sun, and when I squeeze my eyes shut, it reminds me of Bodi’s eyes. Images of the loving expressions he would give me flash through my mind when I look at the green sparkles dancing in the sunlight. Fuck, there are those bastards tears again. I’m a moron for torturing myself like this.

But I can’t stop my lovestruck brain.

Everywhere I look there’s something that reminds me of him, and if there isn’t anything my head will make the stupidest bridge to find some.

“You have to talk about it at some point, Keeks,” Rae points out.

“No, I don’t. I’m just going to sit here until my tears have dried up, and then I’ll move back home and try to figure what the fuck I’m going to do with my life.”

“You know you don’t have to leave.” Rae’s hand lands on my knee and my eyes grow another level of glossy.I will not fucking cry again.Not at least until I go to bed tonight. I refuse to look at her as I try to swallow the tears away.

“I know,” I croak out.

“What happened, though?” Julie asks.

Isn’t it obvious?

“I fell in love with Bodi, but he didn’t fall in love with me.”

“It’s not that simple,” Rae argues.

“It is.” I shrug.

I don’t see him around asking for my forgiveness and telling me he fucked up, is he? So yeah, it really is that fucking simple.

“I don’t believe you.” From the corner of my eye, Julie shakes her head, her dirty blonde bob swinging beside her face.

“It’s the truth. I’m too young for him. He never made it a secret.”

“And you’re accepting that? That’s bullshit.” I snap my head at her harsh words, a little surprised at her change in posture and she gives me a scowl.

“You might be the youngest of us all, but you are as brave as a fucking lioness.” She notices how my brows move up to my hairline. “I mean it! You’ve been calling him out on his shit ever since he arrived in Atlanta, and from what I’ve heard from Charlotte, he’s been letting you. I wish I had your level of courage. Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a fucking coward,” she mutters the last sentence, and I blink a few time to many because my curiosity comes peeking out. Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? Jason’s older brother, I believe?

But before I can blurt out anything, she continues. “You’re not seriously going to give up on him, are you? You’re not seriously going to let him get away with whatever bullshit reason he has to not be with you? Because I don’t believe he doesn’t have any feelings for you. Not for one minute.”

Fucking hell.

Her words touch me deeply, and another lump forms in the back of my throat. I try to swallow it away, but when I close my eyes, tears roll down my cheeks.

Dammit!I said no more tears until tonight.

“Part of me doesn’t believe it either.” I swipe them from my cheeks. “But I can’t be the only one fighting for us. It doesn’t work like that. I don’t want to be the only one invested in the relationship. Not if it means I can lose everything when it doesn’t work out. I can’t do it again. I can’t start over every time I break up with a guy.”

---