Page 132 of Forbidden You

At least.

When I woke up this morning, Kayla was tucked against my chest, bringing me a sense of peace I can’t seem to live without anymore. But after a few seconds, my fear crippled me, making me jump out of the bed as I started freaking out.

The realization that my father will be gone soon, combined with the loss of my mother, all the drunk conversations with Jason last night about how love is fucking pain has my mind thinking about one thing and one thing only; nothing lasts forever.

Knowing I will lose my father feels unbearable, the agony torturing me every second of today. There is no escaping the death of my father. It’s something I have to deal with. But after this, I’m done. I can’t do it again. I refuse to do it again. I won’t survive, and I can’t lose my head like my father did.

I need a fucking break.

The minute I’m in the position to hitch a plane to some deserted island, I’m gone.

I need a couple weeks of sipping cocktails, reading books, and Kayla.

What?NO.Fuck. No, I can’t take Kayla.

This has to stop before we’re in too deep, and I’ll hurt her.

She doesn’t deserve that. Nor does she deserve my bullshit. She deserves someone who will fully commit to her with all they got. Not someone who will always have one foot out the door. I can’t be that guy.

I won’t be that guy.

A knock sounds on the chestnut wood of my door, and I twist my chair to face it, pretending to be working while glancing at the screen. “Come in.”

I’m such an asshole.

Kayla’s beaming smile walks in before she closes the door behind her. My heart jumps for joy, but it’s quickly knocked to the floor by the deafening thoughts in my mind.I can’t be that guy for her.

“Hey,” she says softly, sauntering toward me with a smile that still knocks me off my feet. A smile that lights up a room every time she walks in.

Nope, I can’t be that guy for her.

“Hey,” I grunt, excessively clicking the mouse in anger.

She moves closer, then rests her hand on my neck. “I was wondering what you’d want for dinner? I thought maybe we could go to that bistro around the corner?”

Without moving my head, I sigh, pulling her hand from my neck.

She needs to let me go.

“You’re at work, Kayla. We can discuss this when you’re off the clock.”

She instantly drops her hand from mine, and from the corner of my eyes, she cocks her head. Her entire stance grows tight, and I hate myself for making her feel uncomfortable, but the anger rising inside of me is taking over.

“Well, this is new,” she mutters. “What’s wrong?”

She deserves more than what I can give her.

“Nothing iswrong, Kayla. I’m merely pointing out that we are at work. You can’t come here wanting to discuss dinner with your hands on my neck. It’s not professional.”

What are you doing, Bodi?

She snorts, and her energy turns livid. I can feel it coming at me in waves, pissing myself off even more, but I can’t stop it. I don’t want to be sensible and responsible right now. I want her to fucking find out what I already know.I’m not that guy for her.So, I lash out, settling my emotions in the most toxic way possible, becausefuck, the other option is pulling her to my lap and wrap her around me.

But I can’t be that guy for her.

I hear her suck in a deep breath next to me, clearly trying to keep her own annoyance in check, which is only adding more to mine.

“I know you’re worried about your dad. I can see it in your eyes, but you could just talk to me instead of treating me the way you are.”

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