Oh, god. I should’ve known Agnes would notice.
“It’s not thefirsttime, though,” I emphasize. “We had a fling last summer. He’s best friends with my cousin’s boyfriend. I didn’t think I’d sleep with him again, let alone whatever we’re doing now. It was just some silly infatuation. An amazing memory of a hot summer with an older man before I went back to school. But when he walked out of that elevator that first day, I knew whatever I felt for him wasn’t gone. And it spread like wildfire the moment I moved in with him.”
She nods in agreement. “Are you together?”
Are we together?
I like to think we are. I mean, technically we are. We eat together, sleep together, go out together, talk, live and breathe the same space. But we haven't talked about beingtogether.I’m afraid to bring it up, though moments like just now make me wonder if I should.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “We made rules after the New Years party. No flirting at the office. No PDA.Friends. But we didn’t want to label it.”
“Both of you? Or just him?”
This woman is way too perceptive.
“Him,” I confess. “I want to be brave and ask him what’s going on between us, but I’m scared.”
“Of what?” Her kind eyes encourage me.
To feel stupid, mostly. What if I push him to cross a line he has been very clear he doesn’t want to cross and I ruin everything?You dumb bitch. You keep following me around like a puppy.
Bodi never spoke to me like that, but it still lingers in my head everytime I’m tempted to have the conversation we’re both dreading. What if this is nothing more than an itch he needs to scratch? What if he likes to have me as a friend, enjoying the benefits but me wanting more will have him pushing me out the door?
What if he doesn’t feel the same?
What if he thinks I’m just a young girl obsessed with her boss?
I suck in a deep breath, straightening my spine. “I’m scared he’ll think I’m just a silly little girl falling in love with her boss and this was always just fun for him.” I exhale every little bit of air as soon as the last word rolls off my lips.
There. I said it. I confessed, and as much as I’m keeping my brows pinched together, afraid she’ll confirm my suspicions with her own observations, it also feels good to let it out.
“Oh, honey.” Her smile is warm, her eyes filled with a motherly expression. “You don’t really think that’s the case when he just kissed you like you were hisfuckinglife line?”
My eyes widen. “You just saidfucking.”
“I’m aware,” she chortles, “don’t change the subject.”
I hold her gaze, her words slowly settling in my brain.
“The boy has a lot on his plate. I’ve seen him change last year, his energy becoming darker by the day, and after you told me about his father’s condition, I understood why. But I also saw his smile become brighter every day since you walked through that door,” she points at the elevator, “suitcase and all. You’re not justfunfor him.”
“I really want to believe that.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Fucking head over heels.” I really wish I wasn’t but I can’t sit here and lie to her.
She nods, a pleased frown on her lips. “I know I’m just an old woman, sitting here five days a week because I can’t stand doing nothing all day, but let me tell you something. I’ve seen numerous people in my life fall in love. There’s a certain look, a typical expression that falls over people’s eyes when caring for someone…changes to loving someone. And let me tell you something, girl. That boy? He’s been in love with you long before he took you to his office to do dirty things with him.”
“Agnes!” I gasp, squealing in laughter as I slap her leg.
“You don’t have to deny it, child. I might be old, but I’m well experienced.”
And just like that, my tomato shade returns in its full glory.
“I didn’t expect you to have such a dirty mouth!”
“Please! If I were your age, we’d be besties.”