Page 164 of Forbidden You

“It’s okay,” she soothes, running her palm up and down my back as she keeps holding me for as long as I need her to. It feels like forever, dragging the pain out of me, but it also feels liberating, as if a weight is lifted off my shoulders now that I’ve had a spark of communication from the man I love.

I don’t want to love him, but I do.

Julie grabs my shoulder, pulling me back so she can look me in the eyes. Her eyes understanding, showing a kindness she doesn’t share often.

“You think he’s serious this time?”

If he’s not, I swear I’ll fly out to Atlanta and cut his balls off myself. But my gut is finally in alignment with my heart and my mind.

I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”

“So what happens now?”

I chuckle, a little evil. “Now, I’m going to let him grovel.”

44

First I was anxious because I didn’t want to talk to her.

Now, a week later, I’m anxious that she won't talk to me.

I texted her the next day asking how her day was going.

Then I waited.

For a week, I’d been waiting for my phone to vibrate, lighting up the screen with her name. But it never did. After a very cold shower, a decent meal, and some Maine fresh air, Jensen booked us a flight home the day after my drunken meltdown.

I’d been talking to my uncle for most of my day, trying to rewrite history in my mind. I didn’t know my parents at all, which was nerve-wracking and heartbreaking all over again. But the stories Lucas shared about them the rest of the day were so filled with the love my parents had for each other that it also made me realize I want more.

I want to feel a love that consumes you, that tears you apart, but you keep coming back for more because you can’t live without it.

I want that.

I want Kayla.

She asked for time, and I will give her all the time she needs, but as the radio silence continues, I feel like she’s slipping away. More than I already pushed her. I’m even tempted to call Rae, but she’s still not talking to me and I know she won’t listen to me until I have a game plan.

I feel like an even bigger asshole, realizing she’s doing the same thing as I did to her for weeks, but it’s very hard to not fucking catch a plane and force her to talk to me. But she deserves whatever she needs. I know that.

So, instead of being an impulsive dick, I put on my big pants, and grab my phone.

BODI:What do you think is the best venue for the next charity ball?

I nervously tap the wood of my desk, staring at the screen as if my desperate energy will magically make those three dots appear. I jerk, almost dropping my phone when they actually do, and I wait in anticipation with a tremor in my fingers.

KAYLA:Are you trying to find an excuse to text me?

BODI:Maybe.

KAYLA:Piedmont Park. It could be an outdoor party.

BODI:That’s a great idea. Thanks.

KAYLA:You’re welcome.

I slowly push out a breath, relaxing my shoulders away from my neck. My fingers are aching to type another message, desperate to keep a conversation going.

Don’t push it.

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